I'll tell ya what. I don't have a bunch of time to write this. I'm supposed to be traveling to my mom's in a calm and collected fashion rather than procrastinating and then rushing off. But, I had a few thoughts and have been terrible at blogging lately so I'm going to roll with it.

I love that Buster likes to be inside in the winter. He sleeps on the back of the armchair in our bedroom. Lily often gets up there with him. But, mostly that's his spot, surrounded by windows and getting hair all over our stuff.

The chickens are doing well. We got three eggs yesterday, one each from Maggie, Foxy and Shorty. Shorty's was pretty silly, tiny and sandpapery, but it has a shell and that's a big step forward for her. We also have two new hens (surprise!), Bantam Buff Orpingtons. We named them Virginia and Carolina, in honor of two red states that went blue for Obama. How Seattle are we? Naming our backyard chickens after Obama states. Absurd. But, you can't stop the beat.

We rearranged our living room again, something we like to do about once every other week just to keep it exciting here. Sometimes watching the cat play with foil gets old so we have to amuse ourselves in new and exciting ways. But, I think this living room arrangement is here to stay. We also have our tree, which needs lights, decorations and probably water. And, speaking of trees, we have about two or three of them all chopped up, scattered in logs on and around our porch. Once we got rid of all the bikes on our porch we had to get a doghouse up there to keep the redneck faith. Then we sold the doghouse and put a cage of chickens out there for a couple months. Then we got the chickens new homes and weren't sure what to do with a vacant, clean porch. So, we filled it with cedar rounds. It's back to how it belongs, cluttered and country.

That's all. I really need to go now. Foxy is still running around the yard so I hope I can catch her in less than five minutes so I don't miss this boat.

It's been a while.

I've done a bad job at writing lately. I'm not sure why. Maybe because since breaking my no-list streak I've been spending more time on to-do lists than this stuff. Or maybe because we've been busy hunting for free firewood, chopping and moving said firewood, getting more chickens, working, thinking up rugby workouts, eating ice cream, drinking beer, playing fetch with the dogs, watching way too much 24, finally seeing more of our friends, puttering in the yard but not actually getting anything done, seeing my family, seeing Molly's family, cleaning out e-mails, messing up the house, building fires, making dinner, talking to old friends, reading, spraying the cat with vinegar and water. That sort of stuff. But, in doing it all, the season seems like it's flying by. Maybe after we charge the camera I can do a picture update of where we are with everything, what we've been up to for the past month. We'll see. For now, it's been enough that we have some balmy wet days and crisp sunny days. We've been lucky for the past couple weeks. And it's the holidays. Lake City is full of lights and woodsmoke and wreaths and always the lights and sirens. Charlie is getting less shy about howling in front of us now. An engine passed us on our walk to the field and he cried along with it, on his leash, on the street. It's that sort of winter.

Farewell Norman?

Looks like the rooster(s??) is getting a new home. He crowed at 4:50am on Friday. And the alarm clock was consistently at 6:30 on Sunday and this morning. But, he's a lady's man, sharing his treasures he finds in the leaves. He calls them over and drops whatever delicious bug or piece of dirt he's pecked out of the earth. If they don't eat it, he'll pick it up and drop it again, like, take the hint bitches. He has a sexy dance where he drops a wing and skitters like he's having a stroke. Sometimes, Shorty will let him have sex with her after that straight up wooing. And, no small potatoes, he cost us an f-ing pretty penny with three vet visits with that dang cold when we first got him. There's a family in Des Moines that seems to want him, and Sean too. We'd like to give them away together since they came together and are buddies. Although, Norman has hit it off much better with the ladies. Shorty even laid her first egg after Norman laid her. Gross. Poor Sean is like It's Pat. We have no idea if he's a boy or a girl (although I lean toward boy so I'll take that pronoun). We'll never find out I guess, since it looks like those folks will come get them. Sad times. I like getting animals, but not giving them.

Done and Done!

Hey America, buddies, remember when we woke up yesterday, and today, and Barack Obama is still the next president of the United States? Remember when it happened so quickly and so decisively and without any dirty tricks? No caches of hidden Republicans were discovered. No red-alert terrorist warnings to keep people from getting out the vote. No hanging chads or touch screens that automatically move a blue vote to a red one. No Supreme Court or electoral wins and popular vote losses. By 8:01, west coast time, we had a new president. And, he's our president. He's thoughtful, charismatic, well-spoken, fair, and consistent. So, pretty much the opposite of the last eight years. The wars and recession seem less daunting, less terrifying when you know the man at the helm has a steady hand, and an even steadier mind. Sure, there's still that damn urban/rural split. There's just so much religion in the country. And, the Republicans did a very good job connecting rural Christians to that damn 'family values' campaign that revolves around abortion. It's a very generational thing but if anyone can shake that alliance I think it's Obama. Hopefully we can start seeing a shift in the debates from the same head-butting issues to a focus on solutions not to the problems we argue about, but solutions to their root causes. If there was better sex education and programs to pull people out of poverty, there would probably be less abortions. But, that's not at all my point right now, I'm getting sidetracked. What I want to say is that the awesomeness of the Obama election is that is FINALLY shifts Americanness to the rest of us. The American story has centrally revolved around that cowboy image. It's a very rugged, hero sort of tale, full of bootstraps and guns and manliness and God and white people and apple pie and farms and money (lots of money). Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with any of those things. There's nothing wrong when all of those things are embodied in one person. UNLESS it's at the exclusion of the rest of us. And it has been. Being American hasn't meant being black or Latino or Asian or Native American or gay or young or poor, unless you have a fantastic story to tell that ties you into the rich white dudes at the top. If you were a war hero or you made yourself rich or you go to an Ivy League college from an inner city high school, that's when you're on the radar. But not anymore. Now the story about the rest of us isn't focused on a violent crime rate or our sexual immorality or the sturdiness of the glass ceiling or our godlessness. Now there's hope, there's symbolism and there is undeniable momentum to put front and center those millions of Americans who have been the backdrop of a powerful minory. We live in a mixed race and mixed income and mixed age neighborhood. Obama signs are everywhere. Everywhere everywhere. This area of one of the most diverse parts of Seattle, I think. And the consensus here is incredible. And, that consensus was nationwide. We all did this with our eagerness and enthusiasm and, for many, hours and hours and hours of volunteering or dollars and dollars donated. Putting this all into words is a sloppy experience but you all know what I'm talking about. You all watched McCain's eloquent concession speech and Obama's perfectly-put acceptance speech. You watched it, you were in the streets, or screaming in your apartment, or tearing up (you know you were). And, as Americans, our hearts all felt proud (maybe for the first time in a long time!) and eager and f-ing full of love at the same time. And, I've never felt more American or more excited to be a part of this great country.

(Um, and P.S., I've always done an eeny meeny miney moe to figure out if I should buy the PI or the Times. The Times endorsed slimeball Dino Rossi so that will never be a dillemma in my life again. Ever.)

Nervous Excitement!

I'm sitting at home, with NPR on the radio way too loud, eating Reece's ice cream straight from the carton, skipping my workout class, and tapping my foot like I'm trying to drill through the floor. The news is all good so far! (Knock on wood). I just got back from taking a fire test, went okay, but I'm not even thinking about that right now as the polls start to close on the East Coast. Charlie's panting like an idiot, maybe he's pulling for McCain. I'd be panting too if I were a Re-pub. Also, it smells like poop in here and I'm wondering which of the four creatures is guilty. There's a big fat cloud squatting over North Seattle. It's poured, hailed, sprinkled and lightninged (?). Maybe that's why the animals are going nuts. Or maybe they're reading my psycho vibes of nervousness and happiness over the early election results.

November is good.

So, I stopped my pilgrimage to not write lists for a year. I spent a couple weeks being grumpy and frazzled and realized that not writing my clutter down hasn't changed the way my crazy mind ticks. I made a rule for myself, no rules! Just kidding. But, that's exactly the kind of shit I do and take seriously in moments of lapsed sanity.

Lily is crying at the door non-stop. Norman is doing his roosterly-duty and crowing this shit out of 7am. I slept on the couch because I was coughing and snotty. I woke up before it was light out, laying on my back, with the cat sleeping on my neck. I panicked and chucked her off. Bitch. I've had enough of the animals this morning.

Yesterday was pure glory and goodness. UW beat Reed 25-0. They didn't play a whole lot of defense but really stepped up their offense. It put me on a cloud the rest of the day. Except when I was driving through Southwestern Washington.

I want to punch Lily in the face. She really doesn't stop until she gets her way. Last night she broke a vase in the guest room when she accidentally got locked in there. She pushed a photo off the entertainment center this morning. I've been soaking her with spray bottle of water and vinegar but she's learned it's range and knows I'm too lazy to get up to get the spray to reach her.

I loved rugby yesterday. I felt pretty damn happy all day. Until I was at the Breakers Halloween party at night and started feeling tired and sick and grumpy and that's when I called it a day. I do miss my friends and look forward to seeing more of them soon.

These Troubled Times

When McCain chides Obama for promoting "class warfare" he's essentially telling us middle class folks that we have no right to be resentful and angry at the super rich who've painted our economy into a dark dark corner. Apparently, taxing people who make plenty of money or expecting companies to offer health insurance to their employees is class warfare. But, it's not class warfare to lay off tens of thousands of people when companies are making record profits simply to increase shareholder margins? It's not class warfare to pay working people a living wage? It's not class warfare to drop people from health insurance once they have serious diseases when those people cannot afford out-of-pocket medical bills? It's not class warfare to send our manufacturing jobs overseas and leave ghost towns in their place? It's not class warfare for oil companies to make record profits when people can't afford to drive or heat their homes? It's not class warfare to use our tax dollars, that we actually pay, to bail out billionaires who've been doin' it up for the past 5-10-20 years on our dime? I used to have great respect for John McCain. And, even though I'm sick of hearing about it like it's the only qualification for the White House, I still have great respect for his military service and sacrifice. But, his politics have turned dirty and straight-up wrong, in my mind. He pretends to be out there for all these "Joes", six-pack, plumber and otherwise. But, what the hell? It's been a freaking all you can eat buffet for rich people for way too long. And, now the Republicans are crying socialism when it comes time to look after the little guy for once. People should have the right to a roof over their head, a wage or salary they can support their family on if they're working full-time, a right to health care that doesn't drop 'em like they're hot when they actually need it, a right to time spent with their family and time away from work. In return, we should give something back to our community, be it through military service, community service, churches, etc... But, even prisoners have the right to shelter, food, health care and free time. I'm so sick of this garbage the Republicans are spouting. I try hard to see the humanity behind each person's platform but it's getting harder and harder to not see horns sprouting out of some of their d-bags heads when they talk about the power of the free market. P.S. it's not a free market when these companies have been getting tax cuts that don't apply to the rest of us and government subsidies left and right. And it's definitely not a free market when it's getting paid $700 BILLION DOLLARS to simply stay afloat. It makes me want to puke that we're paying these assholes for all these ridiculous choices they've been profiting on for years now. I understand the necessity but you can only let a market go unregulated when the public sphere is not affected when that risk comes a-knockin'. If the private market is intertwined with the public sphere than it's within the governments jurisdiction to give it some boundaries. And, the first regulation that should pop up is the immediate firing and public stoning of each CEO of whatever these hedge fund/mortgage lenders/whatever other voodoo. Or, we could forgo the stoning (not the firing) if they agree to donate their personal profits to paying back that 700Bil.

One last thing, when everyone sings the praises of the free market, let them just remember this... when your car is jacked or your house is broken into, it's a public servent that comes to your aid. And that's paid for from taxes, for everyone, equally. When your house catches on fire and someone shows up to put it out, that person is a public servant and is paid for with our tax dollars. When you check a book out at a library, or get your first driver's license, or show up to vote for president, or have a day in court, or have the right to spend an afternoon in a public park, these are your tax dollars at work. These people are paid to serve the public. Privatize any of it and these sectors can all follow this same tailspin as the housing market or Wall Street. The military is already massively more privatized than it was eight years ago and that's a terrifying concept.

I am so proud to vote for Barak Obama on Tuesday. And, I'm glad he's on our side in this Class War because, it definitely exists, and has existed for a long time. Now it's starting to go both ways.

I'm feeling a little squirrely tonight. Like, ancy. And, guilty. I have no specific reason for this feeling, but it's damn persistent all the same. Molly says the changing seasons make me anxious, like I'm an arthritic joint that flares up when those October rain clouds come tumbling in. I don't know about that. I think it's the pace of it all. August through December is my favorite time of the year. I know that's almost half the year so so what if I'm greedy? But, I love the hot, rainless time of August (except this year) and the dusty wilt that settles in your skin by the end of the month. The few rainstorms are bold and make the pavement smell like a proposal. Then it rolls into September and the leaves tilt toward amber and rattle in their husks when those ocean winds peel off the tides. The salmon start running, haggard and lonley, jolting and waiting and jerking towards their homes. October is cornstalks and pumpkins and walking through too many spider webs, always doing that body-slapping dance in case the owner was home when you intruded. It's candles and candy and pumpkin-flavored everything. It's 6:00 darkness and mud puddles and leaf piles and grey. But the grey is new and it still smells like clean wet pavement.

In all this, I probably lose myself. I become the possibility of what could be. The possibility of being able to craft the perfect autumn. It would be a fall of pumpkin beer, soups that I actually wanted as leftover, pubs, fresh straw in stalls, chicken eggs (damn lazy hens), dry leaf piles raked after a long day of indoor work, apple pie, pot pie, pumpkin pie, family dinners, ferry boat rides where I actually go up top, fleece jackets and wool hats, long phone calls when rain hammers the window, rubber boots to wade through the front yard, clean gutters, a wood stove. And, the weird thing is that this is what fall is. It happens all around me and I can't always see that it's here.

Part way through October

6 acres in Olalla

6 acres in Port Townsend

10 acres in Gig Harbor

Just some thoughts...

Cleaned up the living room, not hard to do since Molly and I have been cleaning it since Sunday. The dogs were pretty fearful the whole time, cringing and cowering from the broom. When I put their beds in the wash, it was all over. I was surely coming to kill them next. Suzy is curled at my feet under the dining room table now. And, Charlie is sheepishly laying in the hallway, eating one piece of dog food at a time, and looking at me with wide eyes in between each one. What can I say? I'm the devil.

Transferred our savings to my checking account because I found a cool wood stove on Craigslist that we could probably afford. It's a red Vermont Castings. These damn stoves are so expensive to install though. The stove piping is ridiculous. We'll see though...

Looks like we'll be able to build the raised bed off the front of the house with the landscaping timbers my dad had intended for the patio edging. I just need to borrow the chop saw from Al and get a larger drill bit, a bit extender and some pieces of rebar to secure the timbers. Should be pretty easy to build though. Or so it seems.

October Sunday

First off, I can't believe it's already mid-October.

The Beantown/Berkeley match this morning was awesome. Great women's rugby. It definitely made me want to play again, even if egos are a touch much at that level of play. It would be great to be able to become a firefighter within the year so I might be able to play rugby again in a couple years.

After the match we went to the Marymoor dog park. Always good times. It was a beautiful day and a nice 30 minute walk with the dogs, amongst their own kind.

I got in a small fender bender while inspecting my bare feet and waiting for a crosswalk to clear. It wasn't my fault. I was stopped and got crunched into from a car behind me. It was Molly's car so I took the gal's name and number but there didn't appear to be any meaningful damage. I hate when people expect their cars to stay pristine and would repair a tiny scratch on the bumper at the expense of the other person's insurance premiums. I think frivolous lawsuits and going after people's insurance is lame. So, it was nice to have a positive interaction at an insignificant auto accident (not even, really). I liked that.

And I got a Top Pot donut and cup of coffee right afterwards. That's where I was heading anyways. Delicious.

I was pretty productive today. The house has made me feel insane all week so today was the day it had to end. I've slept the last two nights on the couch because the bedroom is such a pig sty it makes me feel crazy to be in there. I know that sounds like a nutso reaction but I don't like feeling grit in the bed and when our house even gets a little dirty it's easy for some of that animal dirt to make it into the bed. Add a few loads of unfolded laundry, some backpacks, and a scattering of papers, plus a nasty dog bed or two, and you've got a recipe for insomnia and anxiety. So, the couch it was. But, today I washed the laundry, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom, made the guest bed from Landyn's sleepover, took out the trash, cleaned the living room, consoloidated the house clutter in the guest room to deal with later, and started inspecting and cleaning the gutters. That will be a project because they are pretty tore up and I found one with a totally clogged downspout that had bug eggs in it. I couldn't finish because I had to go to a work meeting at 5:30.

We still have a lot of work to do to winterize the house: cleaning and repairing gutters, installing a wood stove, weatherstripping, and closing the attic off. Those are all time-consuming and/or expensive projects so it'll be baby steps. But, we'll see how far we can go with it all. With my dad out here, him and Molly got a lot done on the foundation for the patio. The pavers are sitting in the driveway but they probably won't go in for another week or two. Then we still need to bump the fence up about 15' and build stairs off the back of the porch.

Today I drank a lot of coffee and ate a bagel, an egg, pizza, a donut, and a lot of ice cream. Awesome. I think a big pitfall in this country is our fear of food. We have so many nutrition programs and detailed ways to eat food. But, there is not as much emphasis on enjoying food or preparing food or understanding where it comes from. I've loved cooking since I was a kid and it's an important part of my life. The most busy I get, the less time I spend in the kitchen, and the grumpier I get. For my mom's birthday I decided I was going to make her a cookbook of the recipes she made for us when we were growing up. I'd like to learn how to cook more with the stuff that's plentiful in this area. We have a ton of great food in the northwest (salmon, huckleberries, Dungeness crab, apples, pears, wild mushrooms, sweet Walla Walla onions, blackberries) and I look forward to eating it. But, before I get into a big cooking spree I think we need to clean out our pantry, fridge and freezer. Last time we did this we just ate what was in the house for a week. I think we ended up with scurvy but we sure did clear up space for more food. Time for that same thing, but with the okay to get fresh fruits and veggies this time.

So, I'm sure I'm way late on this bandwagon but this is pretty awesome.

another wonderful day that I'm not at work.

Apparently there is a group that's promoting a garden on the White House lawn, for the next administration of course, GW has his hands full winning in Iraq, losing in Afghanistan, tanking the economy, and brokering that dang mideast peace deal in four months. Although, he would look darn cute in a gardening apron.

Lily is sounding awful mournful on the porch. She's being extra fat this morning, getting into every nook and cranny (the umbrella stand, the entertainment center (inside and on top), tabletops, counters, anywhere. I locked her outside because she tries to eat the dog food, and they let her! So, she's crying so sadly now.

I'm still really excited about fall. When Rob and Tara came over for Sunday dinner Molly asked Rob if he knew how to install a woodstove. Poor guy, it's like walking into the lion's den here and he's too nice to tell us to leave him and his mad woodworking skills alone. But, he said he's talk to his dad to see how. They would be so rad. What's really missing from this place is that thick sweet smell of woodsmoke, one of my top five favorite smells. We're still trying to figure out how to get the yard raised up but we're making progress on that back patio. And, it's definitely time to decorate for Halloween. It's clear and windy and damn cold out there. So, it's time.

the good, the bad, the ugly

The winds will blow their own freshness into you,
and the storms their energy,
while cares will drop off like autumn leaves."
- John Muir

The three day weekend is over. There were some glorious, and not so glorious, moments. Friday was mostly spent at my mom's. Then there was some Crossfit and dinner at Rachel and Val's. Saturday was gravel pick up, the Mudhens match (sweet sweet victory), and the neighbor's birthday party (too much tequila and some delicious tamales). Sunday was supposed to be the most productive day of all. It was alright. I got the rest of the gravel out of the truck and onto the dirt slab. I scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom floors like Cinderella. I made pear cake and apple biscuit something with the partly-rotting pears and apples on the porch. I planed the top of the front door to try to get a better fit in the door jam. Molly was not amused at the chunks of door that dropped to the ground. I visited my least favorite place: Home Depot. But, I was actually asked if I needed help, a lot. That's a first. Normally I wander around like I'm in the belly of a whale. If you are lucky enough to find someone that actually works there, they avoid contact and if they happen to make it, they scurry away before you can ask anything. If you manage to corner one of them and ask them anything then it's "not their department". Home Depot meant stepping stones. There is more to do in that department but we're going to eventually get the stones all along the fence, by the driveway. And we have some temporary ones from the front gate to the porch so we don't have to sludge through puddles. We also made delicious roasted tomato sauce from all our garden tomatoes. It's what my mom made when I was a kid when she picked all her tomatoes. We had green zebras, big fat red ones with mean brown wrinkles, long yellowish pear tomatoes, yellow taxi tomatoes, and little red cherry tomatoes. It was about four pounds over all and you blend basil, garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper in a Cuisineart and then pour that mix all over the halved tomatoes and roast the whole thing in the oven for 2-3 hours. I think it's my most favorite meal of fall. And carrot potato soup with fresh bread. Tara, Rob and a buddy of Tara's from back east came over for dinner. I ended up pulling out the whisky to share with Rob and we both drank too much. Too much whisky, on top of a couple beers and a couple glasses of wine. I felt that today when I went to a brutal day at work. There were way too many shoes and it was stressful. I felt terrible all day and finally came crawling home a little after 4:00 instead of going to pick up the second round of gravel.

I didn't workout this weekend and feel guilty about that but I get my butt handed to me each time I go to the Crossfit facility so I was still sore Sunday from that Friday night workout. I'm trying to summon up the energy for weighted pull-ups tonight.

Beginning of a long weekend

It's finally here, the long weekend. This is wonderful. There's a lot that can happen. I'm looking forward to Sunday dinner with Tara and Rob. And I think the game will be awesome tomorrow. We were also invited to a birthday party with our 8 year old neighbor. I look forward to puttering around the house for the next few days. It's in a pretty special place right now. The creatures are dirt heaps that leave sand piles every time they lay down. And I think every dish we own is dirty, on the kitchen counter. And, the damn fruit flies are back. Molly and I try to scoop them up with the venus fly trap but that thing is dumb as hell, it just gapes open, even when a fly walks over top its teeth. Molly and I are hoping to at least get the frame of the patio set. There is also a nice green tinge settling in on the fence. Decorative? Festive? Lovely. It's probably time to rip up most of the garden. There are a few squash, tomatoes and peppers left. But, that's pretty much it. And, I hate to take it from her, but Suzy's path is digging our yard into more of a trench than ever. Friday is also leaf raking day and Molly bought a giant garbage bag spider for us to put our leaves in. I think they're supposed to be dry though. Especially since Molly wants to put the spider on the roof. I'll watch while she drags a three hundred pound leaf spider ten feet up a ladder onto our rooftop.

But, today I'm headed up north to my Mom's. And, I need to be back to catch the last Crossfit class at 6:30. That'll be super, especially since I'm going to be back tomorrow at 9am. Barf. And, at some point over the weekend, I need to get rid of this fantastic mullet that's taking over my neck.

Sarah Palin is hot but I'm still voting for Obama

I watched the veep debate tonight, most of it anyways. I had a long, bad day at work and cracked open a beer first thing when I walked in the door. It's the beginning of a well-deserved long weekend and I started it off a little too right and continued with some fancier, bottled beverages when my mom showed up to watch the debates. I won't lie, I think Sarah Palin is good looking. I don't think I'm in the minority here. She's a straight-shooter (in more ways than one) and she doesn't mince her words (unless she's being interviewed by Katie Couric). She also goes into zero details and makes few risks. So, basically, she's your typical politician. Professionally I don't think she's any more than that. But, I can see the appeal. I didn't understand everything Joe Biden said tonight. I did understand everything Palin said. That's not to say I didn't wish she could be more specific. She excels at vagueness. But, so does G.W. and it got him eight long (long!) years in office. She may very well win this election for John McCain. But, she could also lose it. Shit, they should put me on her advisory committee with how cloudy my own thoughts are right now. But, what I'm trying to say is that her ability to dumb down the fact of the matter, or to avoid the fact of the matter, is her strength in politics. After a long day people don't want to hear the ins and outs, they want the beef. That's it. And, she's hot to boot. I don't think this is a small matter in these hard times. She might not be saying anything. Or she might be saying a very dumbed-down version (didn't think it could be done!) of the same crap George Bush has been saying for years. But, somehow, it sounds different when a milf says it. So, there's it is.

I'm still voting for Barak Obama. (He's attractive too, for the record). I think he'll get us straight with the economy. He'll help us direct the right attention to Afghanistan and get us the hell out of Iraq. He'll get more people better health care. He'll be thoughtful and well-informed and I believe he'll work with both republicans and democrats in the best interest of the country. I think McCain/Palin will do none of this, the exact opposite in fact. They'd leave us in Iraq to lose more lives until we need to get out like we did in Vietnam and then we'll need to seriously turn to Afghanistan with no troops to call upon. They'll deregulate the shit out of the economy so, just in case we avoid serious recession now, we'll be able to revisit that in the near future in a worse way. They'll pay the rich more just for being rich and give less to the middle class, even though they vouch for them all along the campaign trail. They'll invest in drilling nationally rather than expanding our damn options for the ineveitable oil shortage we'll have at some point in the next century. And, they'll further privatize healthcare so my mom will really be screwed and more and more people will pay more for crappier plans that drop them when they actually get sick. Not to mention the sidebar of social issues like abortion and gay marriage. (Actually, I think McCain would be more mild here unless he was hurting for republican base support). I am the most proud to vote in this election than any election I've participated in so far. I think it may be the most important election of my lifetime. But, I'm just saying, Sarah Palin is easy on the eyes and that will not hurt the McCain cause.

good ol' Lake City

It's a beautiful day outside. 75 degrees, sunny, one of the last gasp kind of days before the rain clouds roll in for the winter. It's putting me in a better mood than I've been in for the past week. I signed up to double at the store this weekend and hated that decision all the way through. It was the nicest weekend in a while and I spent it inside both days. I've been frustrated with my job choice lately. Nothing against where I work, it's just for me anymore. I get really ancy working inside, especially if it's at a computer. And, working retail can only last so long before you get sick of saying the same things over and over and over and dealing with mostly good people but really hating on those few creeps who really believe the world revolves around their asshole lives. I can suck it up and treat them like people, even though they aren't returning the favor, but it gets harder and harder to do so the less I want to be there. So, I've been grumpy almost daily since I didn't get my usual day off. But, I have this coming weekend off entirely and, even though I was going to let it slide, I'm cashing in the Labor Day I spent at the office and I have Friday off as well. Since Tuesday is my usual day off, I only have two more work days until my three-day weekend. And one of those workdays, Thursday, I get to work the morning shift instead of my usual night shift so I can watch the VP-debate. My mom might come over to watch with me so that would make that day exciting and work would pass swiftly as a result. Perfect. This week is actually going to fly by pretty quick I think. I need to leave in an hour for the first UW rugby practice of the year. I'm really looking forward to it, especially looking forward to incorporating Crossfit into the fitness practices. I think it will help the team a lot and hopefully get some people excited about fitness. After that it's the second episode of Heroes. That's a pretty big deal in the Zimmerman/Knapp/ex-McCrow household. I won't lie, it's definitely not the same without Kaisa's shared enthusiasm/obsession with Heroes but that's a small sacrifice for her travels abroad. And, tomorrow I have loads going on. I want to go to my Mom's but would have to leave pretty early in the morning in order to back for a 2:50 doctor appointment. I have some annoying shit to get checked out. For whatever reason, I get super bad cramps when I exercise hard sometimes. That will simply not do whenever I become a firefighter and it really threw a wrench in my plans this morning. Three coworkers came to Crossfit with me. I was really excited to have them there and did their first workout rather than the one on the board. It was the easiest one I've done and I wanted to get through it quick and maybe do the other one after. But, the guy amongst us decided he wanted to try and beat me on the last 200 and I really didn't want to lose. So I "sprinted" (or what consitutes sprinting to me) it in while swearing at him and got awesome cramps right away. Trouble is, it looked like I was going to puke. I wasn't but my guts hurt pretty horrifically so I stepped away. I didn't want to come back and say that was an easy workout when it looked like it did a number on me. So, I didn't. I'll have to prove that later on. Long story short (or long), I'm going to the doc tomorrow to figure out why this happens. Then, back to Crossfit at 5:30 and then to my last Breakers practice at 6:45. Wednesday I want to do the 7am Crossfit since there's a clinic at work at 9am. Short break and back to work at 3:00 and then UW practice at 8:30. Thursday would be another early Crossfit, hopefully, work 8-3 and then begins the gloriously long weekend hopefully watching Palin embarass herself on national TV. (Nothing against you personally, Sarah. Your policies just terrify me and I really don't want your side to win the election. I wish you the best in your personal life though.) Molly and I were supposed to go to Oktoberfest in Leavenworth this weekend but we're thinking no. We have to get our patio in before the serious muds start and, even if it rains at the end of the week, it's probably better now than later. Also, those damn chickens are still on the porch and I really want them off. I'm wondering if there's a better solution than the dog crate on the front porch. Maybe the newly completed patio? Our garden is super tomato-ey. Some of the leaves on the squash need to get cut back and that veggies need to get picked and eaten. A lot can probably be pulled up since we're going to cover that whole area with fill dirt anyways. Besides that, it's just the same old stuff. Before winter Molly and I want to get a woodstove installed, put new gutters on the house, bring in fill dirt to the front lawn and put raised beds in place of the current "flower" and "herb" gardens. We also want to finish the patio, put a second set of stairs on the side of the porch and pull the back fence up to that area, and then paint the fence so it's weather-proofed. It's a lot to do. Hopefully we can knock a lot out this weekend. It would feel really good to be able to sit back and see some accomplishments, besides that damn chicken coop and it's eggless chickens.

Also, Lily peed on us again last night. She is a little bitch.

time for bed.

This was a long day. What with two meetings at work, separated by four hours in which to shop for and make and bake and package my cookies, it felt very rushed. I drove to work, sat in a Nike meeting. Then I went to Safeway for some baking stuff and found no good birthday card for my uncle. why do they make such stupid cards? I came home and baked some cookies and drank a beer and let the chickens out. I wrote my grandma an e-mail. And I wrapped all the cookies in tinfoil and put them in boxes. I drove my truck to the library to drop off/pick up books. Then I went to work for a long long meeting with Merrell. Then helped a ridiculous person pick out socks forever while Molly sat like a corpse in the corner of the store because she's sick and was helping me by mailing the cookies I didn't have time to mail. I addressed and taped the cookie boxes. Then I worked for five hours selling shoes. In that time I also ate soup, bought and ate thai food, and drank some water. After work I e-mailed a testimonial to my Crossfit coach, closed the store, and met Deb and Val for a UW rugby meeting and stayed a bit to talk to Val, which was good. Then I went to QFC to buy Molly ginger ale and Advil PM. Then I came home and ate a bowl of ice cream and talked to Molly and read my grandma's response and watched a Crossfit video. Now I am writing this before brushing my teeth and going to bed. Also, I almost just barfed or passed out from looking at, and then Googling, some nasty white chunks on Molly's tonsils. That is my entire day. Weird how it managed to fill up 15 hours. I liked the baking and the meeting was good. I liked talking to Molly and driving my truck and drinking the beers. I could have done without the rest of it though.

Cloudy fall day

I was trying to see if there was such a thing as a long-term weather prediction for this autumn (late summer, early winter, that sort of thing). And this is what I Googled first http://the-end.com/2008GodsFinalWitness/?gclid=CMXG9tiN9ZUCFSKhiQodkDrmhg. I am tempted to download and read this sucker. Sadly, with the mess with those asshole fat cats it seems like the US could be in some serious trouble over the next year. Especially with the war in Afghanistan ramping up.

I wanted to write more but I ended up responding to an email from my Grandma. We are having a nice e-mail exchange on politics and life. It's pretty interesting because we should be fighting, considering our large differences, but we're really having a great dialog that we're both enjoying. The last e-mail had to do with rape/abortion and gay marriage. We'll see where it goes.

I'm baking cookies before I head back to work. They're supposed to be bound for Connecticut, for my Uncle Frank's birthday, Wisconsin, for my cousin who's shipping out to Iraq next week, and Port Townsend, to my stepmom since she's been home alone all week while my dad is out sailing. I'm hoping they get to these various places before the weekend. I've sent baked goods over the weekend before and it's not the best plan.

The United States of Cheap Beer

http://www.salon.com/mwt/food/eat_drink/2008/08/11/cheap_beer/

keep it simple stupid

It's probably because I've had the week off from working out. Or maybe now that I'm not focused on the PAT anymore I'm stressing over other things (likely). Or it might be autumn snapping on our heels with this grey misty weather. No matter what, I'm eager for something more spartan, a rigorously simple life without knickknacks and trillions of errands. The attic is a sprawling geography of my what I used to do, used to be like. It's a lot of fun for Molly to go through (when she's not trying to find something of her's that she needs) but I could do without the reminder of my old nerdiness (not that I think I moved past that, I just know my current nerdiness very well.) I want less of the non-essential. I read a good website that advocated some, surprise, simple ideas to move away from a rushed, cluttered existance. Here is some of what this guy says... Be engaged in your downtime. I'm not going to lie, I've watched TV and been online at the same time. That's gross to me. Simply too much. And then you get a text message so you respond to that, while gmail chatting and trying to keep up with whatever's on TV... shit, where's my book. Call me a luddite but I think there is such a thing as too much, at least for this simpleton. I would love to spend more time reading. And I do like watching movies and TV series. But, Molly and I usually rent them so we can skip the commercials and watch way too many in a row. Another thing he said was to keep your e-mail inbox empty. Yeah right. Mine is as cluttered as the attic. I'm doing pretty well right now and I have 130 e-mails, 28 unread. I would not like to clean the whole thing out, although it would be pretty glorious when it was done. I should also check e-mail less often. I don't work much with computers but I still don't have any pressing e-mail contacts that I need to be refreshing the screen for. It's a weird nervous tic, maybe it affirms that I'm a person to be contacted regularly. What else... you're supposed to sort your clothes by season, so you can pack away those things that you seriously won't wear (like shorts now, apparently). I sort of already do this. I like to keep my dresser full of the clothes I folded the last time I folded clothes (looks like June or so from the geological layers) and then the floor is where I keep both a) the clothes I really where and b) the clothes that I don't actually wear but have been caught up in the laundry/floor cycle so keep getting cleaned and then walked upon, without being worn. It would be pretty sweet to have a) less clothes and b) to not have to paw through shorts in December or wool sweaters in August to find what I really want to wear. Besides, I could donate stuff I clearly never wear if I'm forced to pack or unpack it twice a year. Moving on, I'm supposed to be happy with my livlihood. I can't say that I really am right now. It could definitely be much worse but I'm really distracted by that glint of an idea that I could, someday, be a firefighter. I feel like a pipsqueak when I tell people that. And I get that same look you give a six year-old who professes the same vocational fantasy. It'll happen, I know that much. I'm just now sure when, or with what department. In this vein, I would do well to start studying for oral boards, just so I'm ready in case Tacoma calls me up for an interview. As 21st century creatures, we're supposed to be eating like it's the middle ages, no Coca Cola or Cheetos. Things that occur naturally in the world are okay (including beer, believe it or not), things that are created in a lab are not. I should probably follow this a little less loosely. Almost every night I feel like shit, probably the result of poor eating throughout the day. The rest of his list finishes out with such exciting endeavors as decluttering and organizing one's home, minimizing grass in the yard (less lawncare I suppose), live withing your means (rather than expanding debt), and buying less but buying high quality when you do buy. All of these things sound just great to me. The trouble is enacting them. It's way easier to clomp into the house after work, drop down my bag inside the door, track dirt over to the fridge where I open it up and crack open a cheap can of watered-down alcoholic goodness, and slump on the couch to watch something uninteresting. I'm actually preparing to enact something good for me right now. Can't you tell? Actually, I wanted an excuse to listen to NPR for half an hour and writing this blog pretty much took care of that. Speaking of which, what constitutes a recession because it seems like we're in one.

There is only one thing I would add to that guy's simplicity guide. I'd say everyone should exercise, in some fashion, every day. It makes you happy and it makes you sleep well.

murdery mystery

There was some weird ruckus this morning that we attributed to Lily, our ever-annoying kitten/cat. But when Molly went out to let the hens out one of them, Basal C., was face down in the shavings. She came and got me and it was pretty clear that Basal was no longer with us. She was laying at the foot of the ladder (their roost) and there was a lot (a lot for a chicken!) of blood on the four bottom rungs of the ladder. I couldn't find an injury on her though. We were both late, Molly for work and me for the dogs' annual vet appointment. So we put her a paper bag in the house and I am home now to bury her. I just washed the blood of the ladder. I really can't believe how much blood there is, especially without an obvious injury on her. I'm going to go bleach it and clean up the rest of the coop and figure out where to bury her. She was a good, quiet lady. Molly and I are both just shocked at how random it is. Poor Molly has not really dealt with this sort of sudden, random (and apparently fairly violent?) death. When I went out and picked Basal up Molly's bottom lip started quivering and her eyes got full of tears. I felt almost as bad for Molly as I did for the chicken.

I guess this is how it goes though. I'm moving the coop around in case she got hurt getting off the ladder. I'm not really sure what happened but I want to prevent it from happening in the future. This is probably one of the weirdest deaths I've ever seen.

RIP Basal C.

Three years later...

I passed my PAT with Tacoma this morning in six minutes and twenty four seconds. I felt comfortable, albeit taxed at times. And I felt like I had it pretty much the whole way through. It didn't feel like failure was an option. I am really happy with my time. The practice run I did was 7:41. Max time to still pass is 7:30. The Crossfit I've been doing has really helped, not only physically but mentally as well. I owe it to a lot of people who have given me advice and told me I could do it. If you hear it enough it seems to come true. I turned in my application packet right after and I hope I get a call for an interview. Nothing is for sure but I'm crossing my fingers. If I get invited to an interview that'll be the furthest I've ever come to being hired by any department, especially a department I really want to work for.

I'm stoked. This test has been in the back of my mind since I first tried (and failed) my first 2.5" charged hose drag back in August of '05. I didn't end up testing then due to being sick/injured/psyched out. Now, I feel like the chickens finally came home to roost and it was good. Very very good.

The best part is that I barfed in the shower this morning. I brushed my teeth and then brushed my tongue and made myself gag. I'd been on the verge of barfing all morning and that was all the excuse I needed to let 'er rip. I'd only eaten coffee so that was it, but it was a delicious way to begin the day. Molly forced me to take peanut butter toast on the way down to Tacoma, and Dad handed me a primo banana. I managed to eat a small corner of the toast and half the banana but couldn't choke down anymore than that. Even my normal cup of coffee was super unenjoyable. After I finished the test I drank a 16oz coffee and half a gallon of water on the way home, plus the couple cups of water I drank before and after the test. I had to stop to pee four times on the way home. Granted, my trip home took my forever because of a couple errands/poor turns. But I urinated at the Tacoma Public Library, the rest stop just north of Fife, the Queen Anne 76 station (this one was an emergency), and the Green Lake Kidd Valley. Great day.

Test today.

I want to barf. My PAT test is in three hours, exactly. I'm leaving in 40 minutes just to make sure I have plenty of time to arrive early. I know I've prepared as much as I can. I did 25 minute workouts that made me want to puke/die so 7:30 minutes of tough exertion can't be near as bad. At the end of last week I woke up thinking the test would be a welcome alternative to whatever Jake had planned for us that day. Now that I'm baring down on the test itself I'm more nervous just because of what rides on this test. I fail and I'm back to the drawing board, holding out for a call for Seattle in the spring and expanding my testing options to other departments in the meantime. If I pass, then I have no assurance of an invitation to an interview, but at least that's a possibility. So, that's that. I need to go drink a cup of coffee and try and choke down some breakfast. I'm excited and terrified for this test because of how bad I want it. We'll see. I'll know in three hours and three minutes how I did.

2008 Fall Plant Sale

Friday, September 12 and Saturday, September 13
Warren G. Magnuson Park
7400 Sand Point Way, Seattle

This is a good solution to starting our fall plants from seeds. I'll probably do container gardening since we don't know what we're doing with the level of the yard. More dirt??

Yesterday went pretty well. I was able to get in another hard workout. More sweat stinging the eyes and pouring off my gross stringy wet hair. Good times. I finally caught up with my dad. He's coming to stay for a couple nights next week so he can help us with our yard. I will definitely need to do some cleaning/tidying up before he gets here. I visited Maddie at her new barn and she seems fat and happy. It's great to see her in someone else's care and doing well. I hope that ends up being a permanent home for her because it seems like a great match. I tried to clean up some serious clutter on our attic stairs. I succeeded in cleaning up some of it, and moving the rest to front and center on the kitchen table. And then there was rugby practice where I go once a week to stand awkwardly and pick on the few new players that show up. Molly took the Norman back to the vet for the third time. Jesus, the most expensive chickens ever. Now they have eye/nose drops on top of their antibiotics. They need to clear this shit up so we can get them off our fricken porch. It's a special day, coming home to cage full of stinky snotty chickens. It's simply too much.

I've been stressed out lately (surprise). I think it's mostly the test that's now less than a week away. I've worried about this test since I went through the practice session four years ago. I'm much fitter than I was then. And I'm not playing a rugby game while sick a week before the test, like I did last time. But, I'm still nervous and I think that my nerves seep into my daily life. But, I've been on edge lately. When I feel crazy in my head I think it reaches out into the physical stuff around me. If the house is cluttered or filthy (it's been both lately) then it makes me overwhelmed. I think that's how my dad was when I was growing up. He'd come home for two week trips flying and be pissed as soon as he walked in the door. It was scary. I'm thrilled to be carrying that torch. But, it's a pretty helpless feeling and you only feel worse for knowing you're being ridiculous.

Lately I've been putting off finishing my Tacoma application (it's very long but could get me my dream job so I need to get over it), and dealing with my finances. A combo of buying a new truck (taking out an auto loan), putting a bunch of stuff on my credit card (which I don't usually do), and needing to pay rent, utilities, vet bills, doctor bills, the auto loan and insurance, and my cell phone bill makes it less than rad to sit down with the checkbook. I'm also unsure what to do with the dogs. The busier Molly and I get the less exercise and attention they get. Especially when those damn roosters are hogging our money/time with their drops and meds.

Anyway, it's almost 9am... time to get moving on this day. We'll see what happens today but I hope I can finish up the day feeling a little caught up. I also need to be in bed for about 9 hours it feels like lately. When I finish reading and actually fall asleep I'm not getting up until 8 hours has passed. Iron deficiency or muscle building rest?

hit by a truck

My butt feels donkey punched and the muscles in the front of my shoulder are miserable. I didn't even know there were muscles there. I'm a little shocked that I'm willingly going back for more in a couple hours.

Today is also the day that Kaisa leaves for Guam. Pretty bittersweet. I don't know anyone who isn't happy she's finally doing what she's wanted to do for years now. But, I also don't know anyone who is happy that she won't be around for the next six months.

I'm finally going to visit Mads today. It sounds like it's going really well at her new home. I've had her since I first came back from Mills, in 2002. And I've dragged her around from location to location as I've wondered what the hell I'm doing for the past six years. I really hope it works out at this new location. I'd love to not have to worry about her anymore.

Also, I'm pretty nervous about this Sarah Palin stuff. I do think Barack Obama gave up this same spotlight when he dismissed the idea of running with Clinton as his running mate. That would have nailed the election pretty well. I understand that it would be awkward having three presidential personalities in the whitehouse but, way better than McCain/Pailn. I do think it's rad that, either way, this election will put either a woman or a black man in the whitehouse. That's rad. I just wish the woman was someone more respectable as a politician than Palin. She sounds like someone that would be fun to sit on a pier with, toss a few back, and fish the day away. But, so did George Bush and that ended up being a mistake. She also makes the war in Iraq sound like a holy war, she's tried to ban books (who does that anymore?) and she lied about being anti-earmark since she did want the Bridge to Nowhere. She's clever and snarky and would be fun to listen to if I agreed with more of what she said. But, I worry that she's just a likeable personality for most people and I wish people would just go watch a TV show instead to see what they like rather than voting a 'neat' person into a powerful office. I think there's something very important about Barack Obama keeping his words 'above the fray' but it does make me miss Hilary's mean streak and how down to earth she was for most people. I like Obama a lot. I think he's very thoughtful and really weighs his options. That's not the same as being indecisive, he just doesn't knee-jerk react to problems. But, he needs to get on board with the bulk of working class voters. Sarah Palin is easily winning hearts and minds each time she repeats that joke about hockey moms and pit bulls. If Obama could get out to townhalls, fairs, churches, and union halls and give a detailed plan of what he'll do for Iraq and Afghanistan, drilling, and the economy then he'll start charging ahead. He's not going to alienate the city people that are already going to vote for him.

What else... today is a day that will hopefully get a lot done. Our floors are in serious need of a good scrubbing. I have a pile of bills that I've been putting off looking at and this is the first month I'll have higher car insurance and an auto loan to pay. The cars are definitely in need of some good washing. I would love to clean my truck, what a glorious way to spend a sunny day. That damn dirt pile is still hunkering in my parking space. The chicken cage is starting to smell again. And they're still on the porch. Sick. Our green tomatoes need some motivation for ripening, not really sure what that is though. And our f-ing hens need a kick in the butt so they start laying eggs. Or maybe if you kick them in face that'll knock in egg out. Maybe I'll experiment later today. I haven't talked to my Dad in a long time. And, there's always house cleaning, rose pruning, weeding, and cooking. Good times today, we'll see what actually ends up happening. I think I'll need to go to sleep by 10:00 because it's like raising the dead each morning I get less than 8 hours of sleep. I've also been sucking down water like we're going into a drought. Is this what fitness is all about? It's way harder than powering through a 30 minute workout each day.

this rutted road

I never want to write about my day. I'm not sure why. I had a great day today. Molly, Kaisa, Roni and I went to the Bloedel Reserve on the Island and walked in the woods for a couple hours. The woods smelled dark and furiously quietly alive. I miss the cedar and salal and bracken ferns and skunk cabbage and trilliums. Shit, sometimes I even miss the brambles and the nettles if I've been huffing too much exhaust and pounding the pavement too long.

It really felt like fall today, the light was less harsh and the air seems cleaner, almost like it's preparing to rain for the next nine months. We're making smoked cheddar roasted butternut squash tart for breakfast tomorrow to celebrate. The garlic is roasting right now and it's a pretty hefty smell. Too bad there's not a woodstove in this house to accompany it. The beefy red truck in the driveway will do for now though.

blog it.

It's been pretty okay this week. I walked into the Crossfit gym on Wednesday to see what I could do to get ready for the fire test. About 10 minutes later a gal walked in who was signed up for 10 personal training sessions for that same reason. So, I hopped in on her sessions and split the cost with her and now we're three days in. I feel pretty sore today. It's been all sort of stuff, but very useful. I feel like I've maxed out my grip every day and by now my hamstrings and upper back are hurting. We have tomorrow off and then are working out Sunday through Saturday next week. Then I have three days until the real deal.

When I got home today it was something special. Our porch is something out of a Steinbeck novel. We got some sick chickens in a cage, our trash, some dead flowers, a dusty old western saddle, and a bunch of other junk. That's my focus as soon as I go pick up my pickup from Lake City Transmission, which is happening as soon as I finish my bagel. It's not a glamorous Friday night. We need to go over to Redmond in a bit to see how Mads is doing. But, besides that I think I'm putting some elbow grease into this place. The only thing between us and trailer trash is the foundation on this house.

Resisting the temptation.

I'm a house divided right now. There's something about shifting seasons that makes me want to plan the crap out of my life. It's a tough urge to resist. Fall is my favorite season. I love getting up when it's still dark out and turning on NPR while I make coffee. I love the smell of breakfast coming before morning rays, like it's that much more potent and necessary without light seeping in and diluting the concentration of two eggs over easy. The daylight is crotchety, like it has somewhere else to be and us Pacific Northwesterners keep refilling its coffee cup and insisting it stay a few more minutes. This is when all the orange and yellow and green vegetables shoulder out the reds and blues and purples of summer. Suddenly it's pumpkins and cider and woodsmoke instead of iced tea and BBQs. And, by now, that's okay. The chickens go to bed earlier and earlier each night and get up later each morning. Buster is lazier, still crying to be outside but a little easier to get in when the sun goes down and a cold mist settles in the treetops. This is the season of crisp books, new windshield wipers, tea at night instead of cold beer, cornstalks, foggy windows, crunchy leaves and blistered hands from raking them up. This is the best time of the year, when you eagerly anticipate the short days, the thudding rain, the biting air. It's time for festivals and rodeos and decorations and music. The next four months are a collective celebration of falling leaves, goblins, feasting and lights.

I would like to forget myself in the spirit of the season. I'm trying anyway. Right now we have a dog crate of two sick chickens on the porch. The gutters on this house are saggy and probably full of mulched leaves from last fall. The swail in the front yard is grinning in anticipation of a mouthful of rain water and we'll have to walk through it since a pile of muddy dirt is slouching against the other gate. The tomatoes grew so big (and still so green) that their infrastructure collapsed onto the squashes. The other garden has gone back to nature. If we just took down the crappy white wire fence it would look like part of the yard. The back patio never happened but we have a bare patch of dirt where we put our good intentions. And Suzy's path around the side of the house is getting slick on those wet night walks to close the chickens in.

There are always things to do. Having this PAT test looming over my very near future keeps me anxious and casting about for alternatives to focus my nerves on. It's easy to wish for a cleaner house, no chickens on the porch, or a full bank account than it is to realistically think about this test and what I stand to gain from passing it. Less than two weeks until the day.

Feels like fall.

It smells like woodsmoke and the nights have been pretty cold. A lot of blackberries were green last week. Seems like fall is tripping all over itself to get a head start while summer is dragging its feet on the way out the door. Yesterday I tried to catch up at work and was able to get it pretty cleaned up. It was nice working on Labor Day because no one else was there. I had NPR on my computer but couldn't actually hear it since I was up in the shoe mez most of the time.

Today I worked on my Tacoma Fire application. There's a lot of stuff on there I have a hard time remembering: dates I worked as an office temp for Shared Strategy, the one time I was turned into a collection agency for an unpaid bill, my two car accident dates... hopefully I get a memory boost at some point because I'm taking the app pretty seriously because I want this job very badly. After I worked on that for an hour I spent the last 45 minutes shoveling dirt into the back of my truck. That sucker is earning her keep. She ferried 8 people from Deer Harbor to the other end of Orcas Island after Rob was boarded by the Coast Guard and had his voyage "terminated." Now she's helping us get rid of that miserable dirt pile in the front of the house. And, later this week, I'm going to pick up that a boxspring from Rachel's house.

We did have one mini adventure coming back late from Orcas. We tried to switch to the second fuel tank when we ran low on the first and went to two closed diesel stations. Apparently there's no 2nd tank or it's not hooked up to the switch because the truck died after one block (the rest of the fuel in the line ran through). It was 1am and we had to coast into a 76 station (with no diesel) and crank the engine to no avail. Each damned clerk told us the Chevron had diesel (when you could clearly read the sign that had diesel no where on it). So we got advice from beer-breathed whiskered creeps and finally were able to crank that engine into life on the dregs of the first tank. It was enough to creep down the freeway to the next exit, which gloriously had a diesel station.

Now, I'm headed to Mom's with the dirt.

Also, 10 days list-free so far. Only 355 more to go. It hasn't been the easiest. Especially because today is the beginning of the month (ah, a clean slate) and it feels like fall (ah, a new season). But, I was thinking recently, life seems to take care of itself. Even though I try to micromanage the crap out of it, the best things of the summer haven't been "listed." I finally got a tattoo with Alec, Maddie is in a great lease (and hopefully will be bought by the end of winter), we have our five chickens and the coop is finally done (for the most part), we have a garden falling over itself with veggies, we had a mini vacation, I tested for my top two departments (and am training for the big hump for Tacoma), and I bought a truck I'm in love with. I didn't even notice all this happening. I need to remember where I'm at in my life. I just turned 25 and I live in a rad house with more creatures that necessary with someone I love very much. I have a good job (for the time being) and am working diligently on attaining my longtime goal of being a big city firefighter. I love the fall and am excited for the smells, cooking, picking, planting, harvesting, baking, reading, cleaning, digging that takes up the bulk of fall in the Northwest.

Day Four.

No lists for four days. This is what I did in my list-free day today: took Norman (the rooster) to the vet because he won't stop blowing snot bubbles and sneezing, cleaned the chicken coop, skipped breakfast, got a one month subscription to Carfax, got a new license with a horrific picture, got halfway through buying a truck, balanced my checkbook, did a half-assed workout, went to rugby practice, watched a Dexter with Molly, medicated the chickens.

Now I can't get the smell of stinky chicken snot out of my nose. Norman is pecking away at Molly's leftovers.

1 and 2.

1. Sarah Stamm left me the raddest birthday present on the front porch. She handmade an Adirondack chair. When we pulled up I could see this wood thing on the porch and really didn't know what it was. Then it turns out it's an amazing chair that would easily cost $300 from a swanky store. And, it's made nice enough it could be in one of those swanky stores. I rushed out of the car like a kid on Christmas morning making a run for the tree. And Molly kept saying, "oh my god" over and over and over. (She's jealous and will probably sit in it more than me). I tried to sit in it but the varnish is still drying so I'm giving it until tomorrow. But, after I get back from Tacoma, you're going to have to pry me out of that thing with a crowbar. Now I can sit on the porch and spy on the neighborhood in class.

2. My birthday present to myself (besides a new truck) is going to be an oath to let my old-ass self stop wasting precious time writing to-do lists. It's sort of a tic for me, something I've done my whole life. When I feel overwhelmed or anxious, I'll just write down everything I feel looming over me and it brings a certain sense of comfort. But, it's also pretty neurotic and something that wastes a hell of a lot of time. Time that could be spent actually doing the things on the list, or time spent sitting my new Adirondack chair. So, I'm going to try to go a full year without doing it. It'll force me to a) be proactive rather than postponing stuff I "want" to do b) improve my memory since I can't use a list as a crutch c) make me do important stuff immediately so I don't forget it and d) save a ton of paper. So, to make this easier, I am allowing one grand finale type list. Something to reference when I start getting ancy about what I should be doing. It's what I envision within the next year, in a perfect world. So, without further ado, I present to you my 25th year...

- Molly's going to kill me if I spend another minute leafing through Truck Trader or cruising Craigslist. Seriously. So, I need (want) to get a new truck soon. I'd like to do it ASAP so I can stop obsessing over it. I'll love whatever I end up with. As long as it sucks gas down like it's $0.50/gal and is red it'll end up being just fine.

- I'd like to get back to my roots and start riding/training/breaking my fat fat horse. She's surly, spoiled, obese, and feels entitled to the good life. Now's the time to turn that all around. I'm going to polish up my saddle, get a new helmet (because I'll need it), buy a pair of spurs and open this can of worms right on up. Tickets going on sale 08.31 (you'll want to see this).

- I want to become a firefighter. But, since I don't want to sound like I'm entitled, I'm going to go with: testing to the best of my abilities with departments that I can fully commit myself to. (such a CHID answer). But seriously, I am going to give this my all. I fully know I am ready for this and want it and would be honored to work for either department who's list I'm currently on. I hope to expand my options but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I didn't have to.

- Work on the house. Specifically, I'd like to paint it something other than periwinkle, flood-proof it, build the back patio, get an easier route to the backyard, and fix up the attic. But, we'll see...

- I think I'm ready to take the plunge into winter gardening. That's right, I said it. It's not important that my summer garden (the easy one) has tomato bushes falling over each other, bolted broccoli, chicken-pecked acorn squash and stunted freakishly-small bell peppers. I'd like more responsibility and more to do!!

- Also, what would be sweet would be to go surfing. I haven't done that for a couple years. And what better place than...

- On vacation. Enough of this staycation crap. I want to spend the money on an airplane ticket, leave the state of Washington, be away from my computer and cell phone, and actually get a tan (since this summer's not cutting it). I'm thinking... February, the worst month in the Pacific Northwest. Guam??

- Something I've been putting off for a long time is going through my boxes of junk. I don't want to do it but I think Molly will light it all on fire if I don't go through it. Although, today we decided that we might do it like this: I keep her company and drink beer with her while she sorts my junk. She likes spying on my past, I like drinking beer. I hate sorting my junk. Everyone wins. I'm spoiled.

- I will be coaching UW rugby with Deb again. I'm excited to be a bigger part this year. I'm not excited for the freezing air near Montlake.

- And, last but not least, I look forward to bidding Maddie adieu. She is a good horse but I have no room for her in my life.

In less concrete terms, I have a few ideas about things I'd like to do more of: Crossfit, cooking at home, sleeping, being with friends, seeing my family, exercising Suzy, being outside, being on time, loving Molly.

And, that's that. We'll see how long I hold out. Let's see if more stubborn and proud or more crazy.

This might be The One.

I think I might have found my new truck. Look at her. Pretty damn beautiful. It's a bigger truck than I'd been looking for, a 3/4 ton. But, why not? Everything else falls wonderfully into place: 4x4, super low miles, one owner, manual transmission, tow package, power steering, canopy for the dogs, bench seat for a third person. And it's $10,000 less than a newer truck and looks much classier. With the cheaper payments I'd be making on a newer truck I could pay off an auto loan for this truck in one year, as opposed to 4 or 5. It's a diesel engine, which I've never had. That noise reminds me of my Grandpa. Diesel is way more than gasoline right now but I talked to a guy at Barney's who ran his diesel truck on canola oil from Costco. $2/gal. Poured it right into his tank. Although, I think you're supposed to add something to the engine to heat up the oil so it's not too thick when it gets colder out. The only thing I'd worry about with this truck would be starting it up early on a cold morning (aka every day at 5am when I finally make it into recruit school). I feel like my neighbors will want to chop my head off. But that won't be an issue when I live on acres and acres...

I think I'm going to go to BECU before looking at the truck to see if I can get pre-qualified for an auto loan. That way, if I like it, I can buy it after I drive it. I heard these engines last forever (seriously, I think I heard someone got 1,000,000 miles on one).

three things.

1. My attempts to better myself our working only slightly. I've been pretty anxious lately - I think a lot because of the PAT. Also, it looks like Maddie may have found a new home. And, I've been seriously considering a newer truck and know this is a bad time to invest in a newish rig. But, August-October is my favorite time of the season and I want to enjoy it. So, I'm plugging away with my daily attempts to temper some of my inclinations. I don't like sitting still and I'm finally at peace with that, but I do like the idea of focusing on one thing at a time. Yesterday my goal was to do something with/for someone in my family. I ended up taking a vacation day to work on the patio foundation with my dad. I definitely expected too much out of our initial attempt. We (mostly my dad and Alec's new manfriend) moved most of the dirt. The dirt that myself, Molly and Justin had moved there from the driveway in an attempt to level out the area for the patio. Turns out we need to dig down 8" instead. So, we spent a long time planning, like we do, and then moved the dirt. My dad also accompanied me to the Toyota dealership. Nice trucks (I really really like the rig) but too expensive for this market. If I wanted to spend over $20,000 on a new truck I'm sure I could have brokered a good deal on one but that's too scary of a thought the way gas is. If I could get one for less than that it would be a different story. But, I did have a good time with my dad.
   
2. My goal for today was just to clean up Molly's desk. I wanted her to have a space to work and do her homework, without distraction. It's a nice set-up. I bet she'll still prefer the couch but at least there's a desk set up now. And she can spy on two different neighbors with the way the windows are. That might make it more appealing to her. I also want to root my computer to that spot. I don't love laptops because it's too easy to curl up with them. Rather than curling up with, say, a book, or a creature, or girlfriend, or cup of hot chocolate, or a beer. All those things sound better than a computer that burns your lap and makes a sound like a mating bird.
3. I went down to Tacoma today for the PAT practice. All-in-all I'd say I was 60% satisfied with myself. Last night I went to bed with a super scratchy throat and slept like crap. I woke up with a bunch of phlegm in my throat and felt sort of rundown. Perfect time for a summer cold. I was too nervous to eat so I just stopped for coffee and ended up just spilling it all over my car. I wasn't going to drink it anyway though, I tried and failed numerous times. The events were pretty much what I remembered. I didn't blow anything out of the water, which I was secretly hoping for. In a perfect world I would have done the 3-4 most intimidating events like it was butter. I didn't, but I did do everything, most things multiple times. The hose drag is just a bitch. I need to work on my technique. About 50' in I start slowing down. Then 20' from the end I feel like I'm in tar. I heave and wriggle my way to the end but that hurts my confidence and pride. I want to get to where I blast out the gate and start slowing down the last 20' but still quick step the whole way through. The dummy drag was okay but about 2/3 of the way through I felt my legs deaden. I finished and am not sure if I visibly slowed down - I just felt it. And the extinguisher hoist was tough but, again, I'm not sure if I just felt it or actually looked like I was feeling it. Those are the three killers. I know the sledge at the end will be brutal because I did that a few times and the last time I didn't even feel like I was holding anything my hands were so numb. I think I could do it now and pass in the timeframe - especially if I didn't feel as low as I did today. I watched a gal that didn't look big go through the course. She did awesome and was definitely inspirational, even able to finish with a smile. So, she made me feel good about it. I'll run through the whole course first thing on the 23rd. Until then though, I'm training much more like the test, rather than just lifting and running stairs. I want to set up two circuits, one like the 1st half of the course, the 2nd like the latter part. And I just want to do them over and over until I can do this stuff in my sleep. I know I can do fireground work. I've done it. It's just performance anxiety and coming off shoulder surgery that's putting a damper on the whole thing. And, honestly, my shoulder feels awesome. It's the other elbow that was overworked during recovery that's been tough to train with. So, there you have it.
   

goal 7.

So, today, all I wanted to do was write in this blog. I think my intention was to really write, maybe in a way that I haven't done since I was in school. But, you know, I just don't want to. I need to save up for Twin's blowjob prompt. What I do want to say is this... I realized that every time I hang out with my friends I think to myself how lucky I am to have such good people in my life. I think that I should be more aware of how unusually great they are. I don't always talk a lot (sometimes I do, don't get me wrong, I can be my own soapbox) but I like to watch and listen. They're good, they're funny, they're smart, they come from all sorts of places and I love to hear pretty much everything that comes out of their hilarious/lewd/cynical/selfless/shameless mouths. You don't think about every breath you take and I wish I could be more aware of how good the people in my life are. I don't feel I've earned it but I'm not going to argue.

monday and tuesday and wednesday.

I managed to drag myself out of bed by the scruff of the neck early Monday morning. I stayed late at work on Sunday to place the orders I usually place Monday morning so I could swap my day off from Tuesday to Monday. My uncle Frank went in for surgery for kidney cancer at 11am (East coast time) on Monday. I was/am worried about Uncle Frank, but also for my dad. He's stressed out over it, of course. And he doesn't talk much about stuff that bothers him. So, I made a cherry pie Sunday night and got up just before 6am. I caught a 7:10 boat from Edmonds and got to his house by 8:30. It was a surprise and I thought I'd missed him because the door was locked (which it never is). But, he came down the stairs and was happy to see me (and the pie). We went to the beach and Suzy ran through the waves like she was born minutes before. She was a salty, dirty dog by the end of it all. We got food, and I had to spend an hour on my computer organizing this damn rugby camp, and then we went to the gym. There was a guy in tight bright yellow mesh shorts, pulled up a little too high for his long thighs. I could see his black briefs through the mesh. He had a top knot and tall white socks with those black slip on shoes that dancers wear. It was a little awkward. But, he was a nice guy so, that's all that matters, right? After working out, Paula and I went to the beach to run a staircase, after dropping Dad off at home. We'd just missed Aunt Carol's phone call saying that Uncle Frank's surgery went well and everything was going as planned, if not a little better. Good, great, wonderful. We made a super good dinner and had pie and health cookies for dessert. My beer gave me a buzz on my worked-out, empty, dehydrated stomach. And then I caught the 9:55 ferry home. Long day, followed up by brutal cramps when I got back to Lake City. Tried kinder methods but eventually took a powerhouse drug and knocked myself out, sleeping on a cloud. And woke up with cottonmouth and a sore throat. So, Monday I spent the day with family and it was wonderful.

Yesterday was work, lots of boxes. Hot. Crowded and chaotic at work. I was frazzled and kind of grumpy in the mess. But, it got sorted out. When I got home I felt like crap, mild cramps and gross-feeling stomach. So, I pushed through my workout (had to, Tacoma PAT is on the horizon) and showered and lazed. Al brought her man-friend over. It was good to see her. And also to eat the delicious delicious banana bread she brought with her. She keeps trying to steal my Miller High Life hat. I told her when she can drink a case in two sittings she can have it. Or, Alec if you read this, if you get me a Budweiser or RAINIER hat that's just as good. I'd prefer Rainier though. I'd give you that MHL hat AND make you a vegan treat for that. Yesterday my goal was to get our bedroom less crowded and gross. It didn't really happen. We moved the bed (and I've been sleeping like a psycho ever since). I really want to take the stuff that not related to sleeping or getting dressed out of the bedroom. It sucks to fall asleep amidst a pile of crap hovering around you, tangled with month-old Charlie fur balls and possibly harboring a cat or two. It just doesn't feel right. So, the plan is to get something for storing bedding. Move the winter clothes into the guest room. Keep a basic amount of our clothes in one dresser. (Charlie is on the porch howling along to the fire engine. He loves Lake City.) And clean out our damn closet. That way the bedroom is just the bed, some stored blankets, and a few clothes (not the mounds and baskets of clothes we have now - the clothes in the dresser are the ones we don't wear). We'll see when that actually happens.

And today, my goal is to chill the F out. I want to go in the yard and sit with the chickens for a bit. And after work we're going to the Sloop with some coworkers. One of the guys is pretty excited about it. So, we're Slooper sizing it at 8pm. Delicious. And cost-effective.

appreciate it, damn it.

Today I decided I needed to appreciate more about the way my life currently is. And, I did, pretty much. I appreciated eating Lucky Charms in my truck on the way to work. I appreciated work, pretty much. The day was decently-paced, even though we weren't busy. I appreciated that. I did not appreciate the ferocious cramps I got after two sets of shuttles. That was not wonderful. I don't appreciate cramps, ever. I did appreciate Molly today, often. Just a little less when she was fangry, and then a little less again when she was crazy with post-fangles. I appreciated Charlie and Suzy, even though Charlie hid underneath the hammock when I threw Suzy's ball. He's mad at me right now because I caught him eating really expensive catfood yesterday and put him in a five minute time-out in the bedroom. I really appreciated the Lake City Seafair parade yesterday. The many many drill teams (Sultan! What!) with their one foot stamping and their tassled boots and cowgirl hats. I appreciated the Lake City Vigilantes, and how the pot-bellied man with the cowboy hat, vest and holter strapped to his leg fingered the butt of his "pistol" when a group of black kids walked by. I appreciated the drunk man, the cracked out lady and the toothless meth couple that all stopped to pet our dogs. I did not appreciate the womanly Ronald McDonald swirling down Lake City Way on a Segway crying out, "Helllloooo Laaakkee Citeeee. Helllllo frieennds. Weeeeoooo!! Yeahh!!" He didn't even hand anything out. You'd think McDonalds could spring for some coupons. I appreciated all the middle-aged men bumping their fist on their chest when Dick('s), himself, rode his convertible past. Charlie did not appreciate the Seafair pirates' canons or bullwhips. It was a great community event. Only 364 more days until Lake City Pioneer Days 2009.

Today I also appreciated the chickens. And how they ran after me in the yard. And already know that taking off the compost lid means time to eat all the tasty fly larva.

August.

I'm usually juggling a few different projects at once. It's been the nature of the game since I was a little creature. My mom is a super ambitious (crazily busy/overwhelmed) lady. I've always been a toned-down (can you believe it!) version of that. But, I have my dad's paralyzing perfectionism mixed in, which creates a person who tries to do too much too well and, in actuality, does very little, part way. But, that part way is sooooo perfect. Anyways, I was sitting a home a few nights ago trying to think about a better way to be a person in this world, trying to walk that line between both my parental models. I decided I just wanted to do something each day that made me feel like something had been accomplished, but without all the crazy accessories (other chores/obligations) that I usually latch onto each day. Capish? Anyway, yesterday I decided I wanted to bring a sack lunch to work. I'd been going to work rushed, without lunch, which usually resulted in me trying to waitout my shift so I could eat something cheaper/healthier than what's around my work. I'd fail and dig into whatever sugar/carb-overload was in the backroom. Well, I brought my sack lunch. Or, more accurately, I ate the Safeway groceries I'd left in my bag at work, including room-temp yogurt. Delish. But, a step in the right direction.

And today, I decided I wanted to eat all three meals at home. Again, this comes back to trying to save money and eat a little better. Not so sure about eating better but I did, for the first time, make good hash browns. I rolled up the shredded potatoes in lots of towels/papertowels and basically stood on it, trying to get all the water out of the potatoes. Amazing. So, I've eating an American-worthy parade of foods today... fried eggs, hash browns, PB&J, milk, chocolate chip cookies, yogurt, pasta. So good. Vegetables? What.

poor choices.

Gas is $4.11 up at the 7-11 on 125th. That's actually cheap compared to what it has been. So, buying a new truck at this time in history is like running into a building on fire while everyone else is running out. The up side is that, like houses in some parts of the country, you can pretty much determine your own price. And then watch it depreciate like crazy with the rest of this sour economy. So, I shouldn't be asking for dealer quotes for 2008 Tundras.... but I am.

kittens, squash blossoms, and stormy Julys.

It felt a lot like fall today, blustery, sudden bursts of smacking rain, bruised sky. Molly, Justin, the dogs, and I went up to my mom's farm to clean the animal pens and see the new kittens (three days old!). They were neat, sharp claws for having no eyes. Kind of squashed looking. But, helpless and easy to hold, unlike most cats. Lilli, their mom, is so sweet, and looks much better without a stomach full of heads and legs poking through her fur. We'll see if we can resist taking one. Probably. Not.
I am thinking about offering Justin a half lease on Maddie. I really don't think I am going to sell her ever. It's just a guilty, expensive task to keep her. So, sharing the load with someone who really appreciates horses might be a great thing. But there are a lot of drawbacks. So, we'll see. I posted her for pretty much free on Craigslist. I'll see the responses I get and talk to Molly's folks about the idea. But I did get my saddle from the farm to clean up. It's in shabby shape. And I got Maddie's bridle, but that thing is run ragged. We'll see how it shapes up with some Neatsfoot Oil and elbow grease. Oh, I also found a sour cherry tree at my mom's today. Bill didn't even know it was there. It was frickin' laden. We picked about 4 cups. But I need to get more. I really didn't want to leave. And that's a rarity for Mom's.

Last thing on this stormy summer day... I picked two male squash blossoms off our acorn squash and zucchini. I pulled the squash penis out of the middle (fine, the stamen, less intriguing sounding though) and packed 'em full of ricotta, thyme, toasted pine nuts, a little salt, and honey. Then fried them in beer batter. Delish. No joke. We'll have to wait for the squash to ripen so we can take the lady blossoms next.

I also looked through a seed catalog and figured out I could spend a substantial portion of my stimulus check getting baby vegetables for winter. Probably not a good idea.

Eleven days until PAT practice one! Feeling pretty good about it. I squatted 205 pounds as a max yesterday. I shoulder pressed 85 (not my proudest number) and deadlifted 210. I did three of Rose's circuits today with light weight (15#) and minimum reps on each exercise. But, I did add in pull-ups and dips, which I hadn't been doing because of my shoulder and elbow, respectively. I finished just over five minutes on the first two sets, and broke five minutes on the last set.

I think I'm going to ask for a pull-up bar for my birthday. Laying a 2x4 across a ladder and the chicken run was not ideal.

I am very pleased with today.

learning how to loosen up.

The problem with being a perfectionist is that exactness knows no bounds. So, you find yourself digging deeper and deeper into issues that, for most people, are non-existent. Like buying a scrub brush. Wanting one that's isn't something you just throw out over and over and over but also one that actually works and, oh yes, please Made in the USA. Really? Too much. It's just too much. And this is how it goes with everything. The problem is, when you try to "learn" and "plan things out", not a whole lot gets done except your brain is crammed with too many options and too much knowledge so you get overwhelmed and take a break, get a glass of chocolate milk, and wander around the house/the yard/the street. Nothing happens. When you're sitting around and start tinkering with something, that's when you'll put in a garden bed or clean the kitchen or wash your truck. It's when it's unplanned that the most happens, maybe because something is more than nothing so the scale of comparison is so much more lenient. Or maybe it's because you're actually doing rather than preparing. This is the struggle. The trick is that you can't intentionally do nothing so that you do something. That's doing something. You can't force the spontaneity and the resulting productivity. When you try to trick yourself into just randomly getting something done you end up sitting around, wondering what the most spontaneous project could be and how exactly you should start doing it. It's like blocking out fifteen minutes to be happy or to meditate or feel angry at someone. But, there are things in life that need to/should get done. It's not just crazy, over-analytical people that understand this. But, it's figuring out how to get things done without the crazies. If you tell a perfectionist to stop being a perfectionist she'll immediately check out five books on breaking the perfectionist habit, compile step-by-step lists on weaning herself from lists, and block in "free" periods into her day, during which she'll probably sit there full of anxiety, eager for the next time block of tasks. You can't use the devil's tools to do good.

Those rare times you actually channel all this energy into a project are those moments where you are glad you're a perfectionist. When your boss tells you you went above and beyond or your friend is pleased by a birthday gift you worked long and hard on it makes it seem worth the inability to lose control. Almost. That other 95% of life is wasted wondering how to shape the future.