new stinky family member.

There's a new creature in the family: Tiger Lily. That's what Molly named her new kitten. She is ten weeks old and has some serious flatulence. She is a fearless, farting little motor boat (her purring end, not the other). Buster is less of a fan than we are but she's bound to grow on him. He was once this kitten to Molly Cat. So, karma's a bitch.

And I wonder about what's happening with us, as people you know. My lifetime feels like a gas tank. The first quarter tank goes by slowly but I think the tank must be tapered because each quarter goes by faster than the last. Even minutes seem faster. It must be because the details don't seem to matter as much when you are just able to pile more and more on. Nowadays there are more details to ignore and a growing of history of ignored details to compound the incentive for ignoring them in the first place. The cracks in the sidewalk are not as big a deal as they used to be. I'm already thinking about tomorrow. What workout I'll do. What we'll have for dinner. If work will pass by quick or slow. It's so presumptuous, that tomorrow is even an option. But, I always assume it is. I don't want to be that debbie downer that is championing "the moment" because you never know what will happen next. But, you'd think I would have learned by now that stuff never works out as planned. This is sometimes good, and sometimes disastrous.

But why is it that whenever you decide to carpe diem it up that you just end up drunk, on a couch, watching a movie? You sure are seizing something, but I'm not sure it's the day. And, maybe I'm just too type A, but how do you best seize the day without a plan for seizing it? Going with the flow has never been my strong suit. I really enjoy structure, being told what to do, ordered even, yelled at, just let me know and it'll get done and done well. But, when I have free rein to order myself around I'll be like on of those damn automatic vacuums stuck in a corner. You'll be able to eat off that square foot of floor but the rest of the house will have gone back to nature.

And, I'm still stuck at my crossroads. Don't think for a moment that I don't already have a plan prepared for tomorrow. I have the month of April mapped out. But, I'm stuck with my severe inclination to break the mold. But, I think I only like doing that so I can create a new one. It's my pattern, the way I've been whittling away the past six years or so, maybe more.

And things always get done. I've accomplished a fair amount. And I don't (always) regret that I could have accomplished more had I been able to break free of my own self-imposed structure. I did what I did and why challenge the past? What's done is done. But, am I supposed to worry about what's not done? I don't think so. I do. And I'm not always sure I should. I know I'm not supposed to, says everybody. But, the reality is too tempting. Always that sexy blank sheet.