How to spend an entire day cleaning a bathroom:

1. Sleep exactly eight hours, you'll probably roll out of bed at 8am.

2. Spend approximately one hour filling out a PDF application for the Tacoma Fire Dept. (due on Friday) and then save it, erasing the entire sheet and presenting you with a virgin copy of the application, for you to complete (again) at your leisure.

3. Make breakfast, preferably something that involves washing a dirty bunch of spinach. Leave all utensils and dishes out on the counter to clean up later.

4. Make more coffee. Because one cup is never enough.

5. Read your girlfriend's book A Slice of Organic Life. Be secretly envious and outwardly mocking.

6. Awkwardly guide a co-worker (via phone) through the steps to get into your e-mail at work and forward back a Storm ticket to a customer who had given you an awesome extra ticket (row 2!) that you can't use because you're going with friends.

7. E-mail your mom to tell her how great she is but that you won't be seeing her today since you already pissed away the greater half of the morning.

8. Decide to clean up the mess from breakfast. Clean the dish rack while you're at it. Dry the comforter that the cat peed on last night.

9. Think: man, the bathroom sure is scummy. I should clean it while since it's such a nasty day. Notice how the rain stops and the clouds begin to part. Grab a bottle of cleaner.

10. Read that it's a good idea to wash the walls and think to yourself that sounds excessive. Wipe a cloth down the bathroom wall and realize it's actually sea green, not dessert grey. Think, "shit." Start scrubbing.

11. Throw away the colony of mold that's claimed the inside of the shower curtain. Google "biodegradable shower liner" because you feel bad throwing away plastic every few months. Feel it's ridiculous that anyone would spend $85 on a hemp shower curtain.

12. Discover that there are geological layers of products in the medicine cupboard. Begin sorting through it. Decide sorting is less appropriate and pull it all out onto the floor. Put a third of it back. Put the rest on the kitchen table.

13. Find yourself on your hands and knees with a soapy bucket and rag and wonder when the sun finally decided to come out. Feel embarrassed that both Kaisa and Alec and Alec's friend have seen you, still in pajamas, hunkering amidst a bathroom that quite possibly is the dirtiest it's ever been.

14. Realize it's definitely time to go. Think that it was a ridiculous waste of time to write down a blog that describes how you've wasted the day.

15. Shower in the cleanest bathroom of your life.

16. Bike swiftly to Tara's house. Key Arena. And sweet sweet beer.