Tacoma PAT.

It was a good week, full of ferries and forded rivers and wild dogs and delicious fish and smores and beer. There was too much of the latter on one of the days.

But, now it's time to get down to business. Yesterday was the Tacoma Fire written exam. I read the whole study guide, took the practice test, and re-read my notes and speed read the book again. Alas, there were questions I was unsure of on the test. Luckily, they were the minority. I felt confident about 3/4 of the questions, and only really confused on a handful. I'm hoping scantron luck pulls through for me. But, regardless, I am going to start preparing for the physical because it'll be good fitness regardless. I just don't want to cross the fates.

I have a bit of a mental block with the Tacoma test. I've never taken it, even though I qualified a few years ago. I ended up getting sick and playing in a rugby tournament the week before (bad choices, I didn't know) and was sick and injured when the time came so I sent in a letter of withdrawl. I don't think I was ready for the commitment to a fire career anyway. I was 21 years old and a bit frightened at the idea of a 25-30 year career, even if it was something I loved. Now, having been at my current job for almost 3 1/2 years, I am champing at the bit for a shot at a fire career. Anyway, when I went and practiced for the test I really struggled with the first event. Even though I'm a small person, I'm not used to having trouble with stuff physically. Even in the fire service, I can only remember one time in academy when I felt weaker than the rest of the guys. So, Tacoma's first station on their physical is dragging a 2.5" charged hose line 100'. A charged hose is harder to drag than an uncharged line because it's stiff (not limp) and creates a lot of friction, the further out you get. Additionally, lone firefighters are often on a 1 3/4" lines because they're easier to move and control. At North Kitsap Fire, 2.5" hoses were the job of two firefighters when there was the manpower to share the job. Anyway, point is that those hoses are bitches. They're long, strong, and down to get the friction on. There's about 1 gallon of water in two feet of 2.5" hose. One gallon of water weighs about 8 pounds. So, when you are getting to the end of that hose drag and you are responsible for moving 100' of hose, you are either supporting on your shoulder or pulling about 400lbs of weight, plus friction. This is how I psyche myself out though. The point of all this is that I'm wanting to set up practice stations to go through the motions for these events. This is how I plan to do that:

Test is pass/fail. Time limit is 7 minutes 30 seconds.

(My hands are sweating just thinking about this)

Hose drag : Pull 100' charged 2 1/2" hose line until nozzle crosses the mark.

Need to get a thick rope (as big as possible) and attach it to a tire, filled with concrete. That first rope with be about 10' to the tire. Then there will be a 20' rope that goes from tire 1 to a second tire filled with concrete. This is to simulate how the hose gets heavier as you get more of it behind you. Then, there will be a third tire about 20' out from tire #2. I think I can set this up on the side of the house. It's about 100' there. It'll take some clearing of branches and brush and dog poop though.

I need: 3 tires, 100' rope, 1 or 2 bags ofconcrete.

Equipment carry : Carry two SCBA bottles to equipment drop area.

SCBAs weight about 35 lbs, including the harness. The bottles alone probably weigh about 30lbs. The only trick is that you carry these guys with your fingers, not with the whole palm. So, I could take an adjustable dumbbell and put 30lbs just on one end and use the other end as the handle. I already have those.

Rescue dummy drag : Must move the rescue dummy through a marked course. There are straps on the dummy so it can be drug, not carried.

Generally, I think these guys weigh about 165lbs. The trick is to squat, get a good grip, and lift with the legs and lean back into the drag so you're using your legs, rather than the upper body. There are three 90 degree turns through cones. So, I'm going to hit up Goodwill for a one-piece pajama or something else that's hideous. I can sew the feet and hand openings closed and fill it with dirt or sand (probably dirt since I have plenty of that). I can practice grabbing him under the armpits and dragging him through the trees on the side of the house.

I need: an adult-sized onsie.

Smoke ejector carry : Using proper lifting techniques (great), lift the smoke ejector and carry up four flights of stairs in the training tower. Hang the ejector on overhead hooks.

So, I think these guys weigh about fifty pounds. They are blocky and a bit cumbersome. Easiest to put it on the shoulder because then it's already high and ready to hang. I don't want to spend the time to find an actual fan so I think I'll just use a bucket and fill it with 50lbs. If I could find a 6gal gas can that would also work and I could just fill it with water. That's probably the best bet. I can take it over to the lake stairs and practice going up the stairs with it and then doing an over head press at the top of the stairs.

I need: 6gal gas can.

Extinguisher hoist : extinguisher will be hoisted hand over hand to the fourth floor. No wrapping the rope around hands or trapping the rope with body. Heels have to remain on the floor at all times (so no bracing against the wall). The candidate will then get the smoke ejector off the wall and carry it back to the ground level.

I think this weighs about 40lbs. So this is where upper body comes in. (hands are still sweating) I think for this I really have to work with what I have. I have no fourth floor, but I do have a second floor. So, this will be like a circuit. I'll just lift a 40lb object up to the second story window, quickly lower it back down, and then lift it up again x4 reps. Besides, I'll have to lean slightly out the window so it doesn't knock the side of the house. This will be purely upper body. After completing the four reps I will quickly go downstairs and get my gas can off the top of the fridge to simulate getting the ejector off the wall. If I pass the written, I'll be able to practice this to see how I can incorporate the lower body as well.

I need: about 20' of rope.

Equipment carry #2 : carry 100' bundle of 1 3/4" hose to drop area.

This is about 40lbs, but long and floppy and wanting to un-bundle itself. So, gathering it correctly and lifting it smoothly to the shoulder is key. It's not the same but I'll practice with a stack of wood. Even though it's a totally different feel, it'll still want to detach from each other and slip around. Picking it up should be sort of similar.

35' Ladder Raise : beginning with ladder in bedded position (on the ground) the candidate must raise the ladder and then fully extend the fly sections until dogs are locked. No wrapping halyard around hands.

I have a 24' ladder that I can duct tape some weight on to make it heavier. I can hopefully find a spot where I can extend the fly without hitting a roof/branch/etc.

Kaiser Sled : move the weighted sled back to marked position with a mallet, no overhead swings.

I'll get a mallet so I don't screw up my ax. I just need a chunky round of wood and I'll lay down the rest of that pea gravel on the side of the house. Then, I can just practice moving the wood piece.

So, that's it. I feel like I already worked out, just writing it all out.

What I look forward to.

In the short term, I look forward to sun.

But, more importantly, I look forward to

Finally being a firefighter. I found out a couple days ago that Seattle is postponing any selection off the 2008 Register (the list I am on.) From what I had heard, the list I was on was slated for a February 2009 recruit class. So, the next 8 months was hopefully going to be me slowly winding my way through more tests, to make it to the 15-30 people I figured they'd finally select for their spring recruit class. Now, they are taking people from last year's test and putting them in that academy. My group will be called up after that academy gets going. So, the rest of the process is paused for about eight months. I should be grateful to even be on the register, and I am. But, I am also very very eager to get this show on the road and work my ass off to be a firefighter. Hurry up and wait isn't sitting well right now. In the scheme of a 25-30 year career, less than one full year should not be an issue. And, I take the test for Tacoma Fire in a week. I would proudly work for either department. I know Seattle and like that I have been a part of this community for five years now. Tacoma is a smaller, and from what I've heard, more progressive department than Seattle. I like that idea better - working with 400 other firefighters rather than 1100. I remember hearing that Tacoma had an all-female shift at one of their stations. That is pretty cool. But, more important, I like the size of the department. It sounds a little more militaristic than Seattle (not that Seattle isn't a badass department) and that appeals to me. A friend was just hired by Tacoma and she said that the academy was the easy part - being on probation is tough. She's studying up a storm. So, that's where I'm at. I can make it at my current job, but the summers are tough (not this summer so far.) I'm not built to work inside at all really, especially not during our usually glorious summers. I can wait to be a firefighter for the first department to give me a chance, but the shorter the wait the better.

Making my kids breakfast. My dad used to make us breakfast every day he was home from flying. Sometimes it was a bowl of cereal. More often it was poached eggs with buttered toast or homemade pancakes with maple syrup or fresh sliced fruit or juice he's just put through the Juiceman. I am excited to be that parent.

Caring for my own horses. I've had this mare I've been trying to sell for about five years. Not very hard and not very well. But, she's been around, eating and throwing shoes and getting hurt and attracting a lot of tire-kickers. Now that hay is at record prices and the economy is in a "recessionary-like state" (but it's not a recession!) no one is going to buy a horse that I couldn't sell when times were good. And, my mom is hating her being at her home. I get a lot of signs and pot shots when I go up and visit and sign away my first born for a couple bales of hay. So, I'd rather just keep the damn horse and put her out to pasture where I can at least admire her from afar. I miss getting up and throwing hay, hearing the horses knicker because they've been starving since dinner. I miss yelling "who's hungry?" and seeing them all lift their heads at the same time, like a bunch of grazing dinosaurs, and then bolting toward the fence, kicking up their heels and sometimes farting while they do it. I miss the chickens trying to fly with glee when they're let out of their coop. And the roosters leaping onto the fence and crowing in glory. I miss the wild ducks, all 100 of them, marching up to the garage when we hadn't been out to feed our small flock of domestic ducks who they mooched off of. It would be great to have that all back.

Not having to exercise my damn dogs every day. How stupid is that? We never put our dogs on leashes growing up. And when we did they were terrible. But they didn't chew our shit run off because they were constantly taking care of their own needs while they were outside all day.

But, even though I'm ancy, I can have some patience. I like Lake City. I like our sodden gardens. I like my job for the most part. I like our animal kingdom. So, I'm satisfied, but I just always have my eye on the prize.

Apparently, this spring has been the coldest/grossest since 1917.

You know you're @ home in the PNW when...

1. You know the state flower is mildew.
2. You know the state motto: “Rain? What rain?”
3. You have a T-shirt that says, “200 Billion Slugs Can’t Be Wrong!”
4. You use the term “sun break” and know what it means.
5. You open the windows in the summer to let the warm air in.
6. Your Early Girl tomatoes ripen in September.
7. Names like Point No Point, Useless Bay, Deception Pass, Destruction Island and Friday Harbor don’t phase you.
8. You feel guilty throwing out paper or aluminum cans.
9. You know more people who own a boat than own an air conditioner.
10. You will stand on a deserted corner in the rain and wait for the “Walk” signal.
11. You feel overdressed if you wear a suit to a fancy restaurant.
12. You can order coffee 10 different ways.
13. You can taste the difference between Seattle’s Best, Tully’s and Starbucks.
14. To you, swimming is an indoor sport.
15. You never go camping without a poncho and waterproof matches.
16. You know the difference between Coho, Chinook, and Sockeye salmon.
17. You know how to pronounce Puyallup, Sequim, Sekiu, Yakima, Oregon, Wenatchee, Steilacoom, Quileute, Cle Elum and Willamette.
18. You know Forks is not a bunch of eating utensil but a town on the Olympic Peninsula.
19. You can tell the difference between Thai, Japanese and Chinese food.
20. You know that Boring is not a state of mind, but a town in Oregon.
21. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
22. You know that a forecast of “rain, changing to showers” means “constant drizzle changing to intermittent drizzle.”
23. You are not fazed by the weather forecast, “Today: Showers followed by rain. Tomorrow: Rain followed by showers.”
24. You rejoice at a forecast of “rain with sun breaks.”
25. You know what “The mountain is out” means.
26. When the temperature gets above 50, you put on your shorts (If you’re warm blooded, that is. If you’re cold blooded, you wear a sweatshirt all summer.)
27. You can point out at least two volcanoes, even if you can’t see through the cloud cover.
28. You think people who use umbrellas are either tourists or wimps (or both).
29. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
30. You knew immediately that the view out of Frazier’s window was fake.
31. You use a down comforter and wear flannel pajamas in the summer.
32. Your kid’s Halloween costumes fit under a raincoat.
33. You know all the seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer and Elk season (Fall).
34. Every year you have to buy new sunglasses because you can’t find the old ones after such a long time.

A good 27 hours.

Good weekend. Some beers, some good buddies, some work, some running, some creatures, some sugary wheaty fatty food. I liked it. We watched beer olympics, ran the Furry 5k, ate a big breakfast, dig six post holes, spent too much on lumber and sat around a smoky fire and toasted smores.

The Furry 5k was a slugtrailing conga line of every person and dog you could imagine. Slow, weird people and slow, weird dogs. I couldn't see the fit and fast ones because we showed up late and were in the back. Finally, on the uphill, we started to pass everyone because they were walking (in a race!). And then I farted while I was running up the hill so I really had to keep running fast so I could get away from the people I'd farted next to. I imagined Suzy and I were a flash of blue and black, they would never know my identity. We were coming down the back stretch, all paws and sneakers and tongues lolling. And Suzy took a big poop right at the three mile mark. I could see the finish line! A volunteer standing there whipped a bag out of her pocket and courageously told us to keep running! as she pulled the bag on like a glove. So, that we did. The times are not posted yet but there's no way we finished in less than 40 minutes. I think our first split was probably 20 minutes on its own.

Now, it's almost 10:00. I am full of pizza and water. The dogs have oatmeal for dinner because we forgot to get them food today. Lazy humans.

Good day. Thanks, friends.

One long week.

I'm not sure what made this week so brutal. It just seemed like mud. I don't know what I was expecting (perfection probably) but it definitely was not it. Good things did happen. I spent time with my mom (a couple hours even), I put our vegetable garden in, I got the strawberries planted, I moved some dirt, I ran my fastest time ever around Greenlake, I exercised the dogs more often than usual, I stuck to the detox diet (for the most part), I saw my best friend/adopted sister who I haven't seen in a couple years, Molly cleaned the shit out of the house on Sunday so it looks pretty nice, I got to go to a ballgame for free, I might have set up two good roommates for Rose. So, maybe it's the rain that's skewing things but I'm more fixated on the bad. Aubrey died. Molly woke up in agony with a migraine, on top of being at-home sick most of the week. I got almost zero done at work this week even though I was there a lot. The poor vegetables are turning yellow and have not grown because of the monsoon over the past three days (not to mention the big winds last night.) I've had some kickin' cramps, one session inspiring the ingesting of vicadin which I hate taking because it gives me a cruddy hangover. Lily peed on me this morning while I was trying to steal those last few minutes of sleep. I sort of fell off the lifting wagon this week. My mom called with nervous news yesterday that had/has me worried. So, I probably am being too pessimistic. But, sometimes weeks (or me, whatever) just take on a mind of their own and are a certain way. This was one of them. I ended up just coming home from work today and staying busy with chores all night. I passed on happy hour with Molly's co-workers and I passed on the rugby banquet (not drinking anyway) so I felt like a big old Loser for part of the night. But, I'm over that now. I'm going to shower and study a bit for the Tacoma test that's coming up. I have to work 9-6:30 tomorrow so I should get to bed soon anyway. Maybe a Storm game tomorrow night? Then the Furry 5k on Sunday morning and coop building for the rest of the day.

I am an old old woman. An old, gay, woman.

the itch is back.

So, first off, the detox diet is going okay. I've f-ed up three times. Tuesday night I had a delicious delicious slice of strawberry rhubarb pie my best friend growing up made. It had ice cream on it. No way I was going to turn that down. And then yesterday two guys from Adidas bought Mariner's tickets for four of us from the store. It started with garlic fries (technically nothing that's forbidden this week) but then the manager guilt-tripped me (not hard) into getting a beer with him. It was a Bud Light so I figure it only counts as 1/2 a mess up. Anyway, I felt like shit yesterday. That might have been the prescription drug I'd taken to stave off bad cramps though. Regardless, I'm back on track. This week has already been rewarding. I have had no heartburn and it used to happen at least twice a day. I've had good energy but feel super furious because of lady crap.

But, the real reason I'm writing is because the land itch is back BIG TIME right now. I'm trying to ignore it though. I really do like the city. Good people live here. We've been going to Storm games and those have been fun. There are sometimes shoulders on the streets that you can bike down. The library system is good and I utilize the shit out of it. I seriously appreciate my friends and the different people I meet here, even if I write more about wanting to move. But wanting space and grass and my own barn is something that's been true for me since I was a kid. It's the only thing in my life that hasn't changed since childhood.

catching up.

Al and I went to our mom's on Monday night because our most beloved chicken seems to be on her last legs. Monday afternoon I had a voicemail from my mom saying that she didn't think Aubrey would make the night. Aubrey is Wonder Chicken. Alec said it best today in that over the generations of animals there are little gems that shine amongst them. And Aubrey is one.

Death used to be a ritual for us. Whether an animal died with much lead-up or unexpectedly, whether it was violence or illness, we always handled it the same. We had a graveyard and our animals were immediately buried. Some had coffins fashioned for them. Some were buried in cardboard boxes. The rats were often buried in a fresh Kleenex box (since Kleenex boxes were their beds in the living world.) The dogs were buried on their pillows. Our goose was buried wrapped in a sheet. Some were necessarily closed coffin. Some were never found but everyone had a headstone. When my mom sold our farm what I worried most about was if the new owners would unearth the graves. Maybe they'd want to put a picnic area near the pond (only the big animals were buried near the pond.) I buried my dog there, snotty-nosed and digging as hard as I could. Even though I dug as hard as my skinny arms could take me, he could not have been buried too deep. Most everyone else was behind the shavings pile, away from the rest of the property. Even the poisoned and trapped rats were sent off in that area, over the neighbor's fence. And the horse's afterbirths. That area was heavy as sand. I built a gnarled bench there after Oreo died so I could sit by her grave and talk to her. She was the first there and the stone headstones expanded outward.

Now it's sloppy. I'm caught offguard by death, sometimes even put out that it would interfere with my busy life. I've never been good at mourning at the time of the event. It's only when I'm far enough in the future can I let myself feel that pure untapped sadness. A couple years ago I really wanted a dog. I had a dream that Gator, my old dog, was not dead but had been lost and came back. I cried hard when I woke up and realized he was still gone. But, even considering that I've always had that tendency to postpone emotion, death has turned into a speed bump to my life. I no longer stop my days and wait when an old animal gets fatally ill. I'm always rushing to do something and the patience death demands is beyond me now. I don't think I felt something as a kid, or did the right thing by the deceased, because I had greater innocence or because I didn't know better. I simply had my priorities right in the sense that I had none. It was clear that dying was something that needed to be done well, no matter the circumstance. The end result was always a few kind words and a handful of dirt. The purity of the intention was the difference.

I'm not sure if Aubrey is still hanging in there. Last we left her she was sitting in the lowest shelf in the chicken coop. I can put my thumb and forefinger together on either side of her breastbone. Most of her weight comes from an apricot-sized tumor on her breast. She still has her fluffy white beard and partly crooked toe. Her feathers look nice, much better than the ragged mess she always is during spring molting. And, doing the math, she's 12 years old. Only Patty and Sweetpea are of her same generation. The coop will definitely be emptier without her in it. We've had a good rabbit, a good rat, a good horse, a good turkey, a good cat, good dogs, and Aubrey was our good chicken. She was well-loved and loved well in return.

Two things.

I woke up at about 5am this morning from a dream that my dad died. I can't remember the circumstances in the dream or what prompted it (watching Cloverfield right before bed?) but I dreamt it so fiercely. I can only remember this insanely dark and consuming sadness right in the middle of my dream. When I woke up I didn't even have a huge sense of relief because that huge sadness was stuck to me like I'd walked through a spider's web. When I think about my dad I feel like I have an aster in my chest. You know those lion's mane orange and yellow flowers? It's like that except it feels pride and love and gratefulness that he's my dad. My family has never been huge on sharing emotion (shocking, right?) but I hope I tell him sometime soon how good of a dad he is and I hope he can postpone his embarrassment long enough to know I'm serious. And I can't do it on Father's Day.

The other thing is that today is a day of loss. I told myself that I'd do a one-week detox starting June 1st. And the damn date decided to show up. Way easier to think about these sorts of things rather than actually doing them. But, here goes nothing. There's no alcohol, wheat, dairy, sugar, chocolate (what!), or excessive caffeine for one week (limited to one cup of coffee in with breakfast). Today hasn't been too bad, except my beer-lonely hands at the Storm Game. (I decided to actually watch the game and occupy them with clapping.) We had a good breakfast of hashbrowns and eggs (cooked in olive oil) with cantaloupe (without a man, like my mom always said.) Lunch was a salad with oil and vinegar dressing and canned black bean soup (had an aftertaste like a wet ashtray). And dinner was a crock pot surprise of polenta and enchilada-like stuff. I feel fairly ravenous right now but, it's only six more days and anyone can do anything for six days. I just drank some green tea (only herbal and green allowed) and shoved some unsalted almonds and an apricot in my face. I will get wasted at Molly's cabin to make up for this.