learning how to loosen up.

The problem with being a perfectionist is that exactness knows no bounds. So, you find yourself digging deeper and deeper into issues that, for most people, are non-existent. Like buying a scrub brush. Wanting one that's isn't something you just throw out over and over and over but also one that actually works and, oh yes, please Made in the USA. Really? Too much. It's just too much. And this is how it goes with everything. The problem is, when you try to "learn" and "plan things out", not a whole lot gets done except your brain is crammed with too many options and too much knowledge so you get overwhelmed and take a break, get a glass of chocolate milk, and wander around the house/the yard/the street. Nothing happens. When you're sitting around and start tinkering with something, that's when you'll put in a garden bed or clean the kitchen or wash your truck. It's when it's unplanned that the most happens, maybe because something is more than nothing so the scale of comparison is so much more lenient. Or maybe it's because you're actually doing rather than preparing. This is the struggle. The trick is that you can't intentionally do nothing so that you do something. That's doing something. You can't force the spontaneity and the resulting productivity. When you try to trick yourself into just randomly getting something done you end up sitting around, wondering what the most spontaneous project could be and how exactly you should start doing it. It's like blocking out fifteen minutes to be happy or to meditate or feel angry at someone. But, there are things in life that need to/should get done. It's not just crazy, over-analytical people that understand this. But, it's figuring out how to get things done without the crazies. If you tell a perfectionist to stop being a perfectionist she'll immediately check out five books on breaking the perfectionist habit, compile step-by-step lists on weaning herself from lists, and block in "free" periods into her day, during which she'll probably sit there full of anxiety, eager for the next time block of tasks. You can't use the devil's tools to do good.

Those rare times you actually channel all this energy into a project are those moments where you are glad you're a perfectionist. When your boss tells you you went above and beyond or your friend is pleased by a birthday gift you worked long and hard on it makes it seem worth the inability to lose control. Almost. That other 95% of life is wasted wondering how to shape the future.