three things.

1. My attempts to better myself our working only slightly. I've been pretty anxious lately - I think a lot because of the PAT. Also, it looks like Maddie may have found a new home. And, I've been seriously considering a newer truck and know this is a bad time to invest in a newish rig. But, August-October is my favorite time of the season and I want to enjoy it. So, I'm plugging away with my daily attempts to temper some of my inclinations. I don't like sitting still and I'm finally at peace with that, but I do like the idea of focusing on one thing at a time. Yesterday my goal was to do something with/for someone in my family. I ended up taking a vacation day to work on the patio foundation with my dad. I definitely expected too much out of our initial attempt. We (mostly my dad and Alec's new manfriend) moved most of the dirt. The dirt that myself, Molly and Justin had moved there from the driveway in an attempt to level out the area for the patio. Turns out we need to dig down 8" instead. So, we spent a long time planning, like we do, and then moved the dirt. My dad also accompanied me to the Toyota dealership. Nice trucks (I really really like the rig) but too expensive for this market. If I wanted to spend over $20,000 on a new truck I'm sure I could have brokered a good deal on one but that's too scary of a thought the way gas is. If I could get one for less than that it would be a different story. But, I did have a good time with my dad.
   
2. My goal for today was just to clean up Molly's desk. I wanted her to have a space to work and do her homework, without distraction. It's a nice set-up. I bet she'll still prefer the couch but at least there's a desk set up now. And she can spy on two different neighbors with the way the windows are. That might make it more appealing to her. I also want to root my computer to that spot. I don't love laptops because it's too easy to curl up with them. Rather than curling up with, say, a book, or a creature, or girlfriend, or cup of hot chocolate, or a beer. All those things sound better than a computer that burns your lap and makes a sound like a mating bird.
3. I went down to Tacoma today for the PAT practice. All-in-all I'd say I was 60% satisfied with myself. Last night I went to bed with a super scratchy throat and slept like crap. I woke up with a bunch of phlegm in my throat and felt sort of rundown. Perfect time for a summer cold. I was too nervous to eat so I just stopped for coffee and ended up just spilling it all over my car. I wasn't going to drink it anyway though, I tried and failed numerous times. The events were pretty much what I remembered. I didn't blow anything out of the water, which I was secretly hoping for. In a perfect world I would have done the 3-4 most intimidating events like it was butter. I didn't, but I did do everything, most things multiple times. The hose drag is just a bitch. I need to work on my technique. About 50' in I start slowing down. Then 20' from the end I feel like I'm in tar. I heave and wriggle my way to the end but that hurts my confidence and pride. I want to get to where I blast out the gate and start slowing down the last 20' but still quick step the whole way through. The dummy drag was okay but about 2/3 of the way through I felt my legs deaden. I finished and am not sure if I visibly slowed down - I just felt it. And the extinguisher hoist was tough but, again, I'm not sure if I just felt it or actually looked like I was feeling it. Those are the three killers. I know the sledge at the end will be brutal because I did that a few times and the last time I didn't even feel like I was holding anything my hands were so numb. I think I could do it now and pass in the timeframe - especially if I didn't feel as low as I did today. I watched a gal that didn't look big go through the course. She did awesome and was definitely inspirational, even able to finish with a smile. So, she made me feel good about it. I'll run through the whole course first thing on the 23rd. Until then though, I'm training much more like the test, rather than just lifting and running stairs. I want to set up two circuits, one like the 1st half of the course, the 2nd like the latter part. And I just want to do them over and over until I can do this stuff in my sleep. I know I can do fireground work. I've done it. It's just performance anxiety and coming off shoulder surgery that's putting a damper on the whole thing. And, honestly, my shoulder feels awesome. It's the other elbow that was overworked during recovery that's been tough to train with. So, there you have it.