so so tired

I think it's crazy what a long road it has been and how much is still untraveled. Maybe it's the smoke grey sky or all of the bare trees or the constant damp cold, but I feel tapped out. I feel like a husk today. I am just exhausted. We did not sleep much on Tuesday. Went to bed at midnight after a long day of eight calls and drilling and evening studying. Woke up at one to run another call. Got back to the station a little before 2am to a burning smell coming from under the engine. Plugging it into the shore power made sparks fly onto the bay floor at the front of the rig. So, we transferred all necessary equipment over to the reserve engine and ended up in bed around 3. Being up at 6 didn't leave much time for quality REMs. I was a big grump when I got home at 8. I had a hard time shaking out of it and never really did until Jackie and I went to Duke's, this country western bar a few miles from my house. It was a fun night watching people country dance to a pretty good live cover band.

This morning I just feel drained. I've written up most of my outlines for our test tomorrow but I still need to study the material and then work on memorizing equipment location on the engine and tool talks that will be due in a few shifts. I slept hard last night but woke up to raging carpal tunnel. I'm at my wit's end with that affliction. It's really gotten old. And today I've just felt blank, not grumpy or anything, just real worn out. Being down here is tough, away from most of my friends and all of my family. Add to that this damn freezing house and literally no social life and it starts feeling like Groundhog Day. Every day is the same, studying, getting ready for work, working, then starting it over. Six more months of this routine, if I'm lucky. It feels like six years. I feel bad even complaining at all. I have what I've wanted for so long and I have it at a time when a lot of people don't even have jobs to bitch about. I'm lucky. I just have a hard time remembering it on days like today.