RIP 360

One sad event that happens in two days is the cancellation of my 360 phone number. I signed up for a new cell phone service and was unable to retain my old phone number, that I've had since I was 19 years old. I really didn't want to switch to the 503 but I didn't have much choice, unless I stayed with Sprint, and they are basically the worst, ever. 360, you've been so good to me and I will always remember where I come from, no matter my prefix or Oregon plates.

so so tired

I think it's crazy what a long road it has been and how much is still untraveled. Maybe it's the smoke grey sky or all of the bare trees or the constant damp cold, but I feel tapped out. I feel like a husk today. I am just exhausted. We did not sleep much on Tuesday. Went to bed at midnight after a long day of eight calls and drilling and evening studying. Woke up at one to run another call. Got back to the station a little before 2am to a burning smell coming from under the engine. Plugging it into the shore power made sparks fly onto the bay floor at the front of the rig. So, we transferred all necessary equipment over to the reserve engine and ended up in bed around 3. Being up at 6 didn't leave much time for quality REMs. I was a big grump when I got home at 8. I had a hard time shaking out of it and never really did until Jackie and I went to Duke's, this country western bar a few miles from my house. It was a fun night watching people country dance to a pretty good live cover band.

This morning I just feel drained. I've written up most of my outlines for our test tomorrow but I still need to study the material and then work on memorizing equipment location on the engine and tool talks that will be due in a few shifts. I slept hard last night but woke up to raging carpal tunnel. I'm at my wit's end with that affliction. It's really gotten old. And today I've just felt blank, not grumpy or anything, just real worn out. Being down here is tough, away from most of my friends and all of my family. Add to that this damn freezing house and literally no social life and it starts feeling like Groundhog Day. Every day is the same, studying, getting ready for work, working, then starting it over. Six more months of this routine, if I'm lucky. It feels like six years. I feel bad even complaining at all. I have what I've wanted for so long and I have it at a time when a lot of people don't even have jobs to bitch about. I'm lucky. I just have a hard time remembering it on days like today.

26 days and counting

That's how many shifts we have until we move to the truck. Not that I am looking that far ahead. Seriously. It's too many 24-hour periods of potential f-ups. I wish I had less of a paranoid attitude about this process. I try to reshape my thinking so I can pretend I am going to work at a station where we just happen to drill a lot and practice/train rather than being in the precarious probationary position. But, that's always on the back burner. Two days off will be a weird adjustment. It's not quite enough to put work out of your mind but it's much more frequent than the weekends at TAC. So, it's a trade off. Yesterday was good. I was pretty grumpy when I got home, from lack of sleep and general stress. But, Jackie getting up here was good and I took a short nap which kind of helped. We made a really good dinner of baked ziti and watched Amelia Earhart, on Alec's recommendation. I forgot Alec just likes Hilary Swank and will be biased toward any movie she is in. Not a good movie, sorry Al. But we started this at 5pm and had a super early evening. It was kind of awesome. With darkness at 5:00 it's easy to pretend it's way later. I think it was my favorite night in a long time. Tomorrow is Day 2 at Station 2. I think it will be a tough day. They will want to make up for Christmas being so easy on us. But, that will make the day go by faster I think.

home again home again

Just got home from shift uno. I don't really like thinking about work when I'm not there. It's nice to take a break and not talk about it. But, in the anti-spirit of that thought, the first day was fine. It was pretty laid back because it was Christmas. We didn't run any calls, except one alarm activation that was canceled after we pulled out of the station. We didn't even drill much, just rifled through every compartment on the engine to make lists of what was inside. Still managed to stay up late and slept kind of crappy so I'm pretty tired right now. I wish I could write more about this but basically I ate two huge meals really fast (we all have to finish together and the guys eat fast and I put too much food on my plate so I paid for it and trained for an eating contest all at once) and got the low-down from our senior crew all day as we learned the ins and outs of our new shift. I'm sure I'll have more interesting stories later. Happy Boxing Day.

back on the brink of the roller coaster

It's Christmas Eve and it feels like every other school night this year. I am sitting in my house. The temperature is just above freezing (keeps you looking young I hear) and the only noise in the house is the squeak and squeal of the dryer. It's zen for me to sit here and not put a fist through the door listening to a noise that only bats should be able to register. I just got done studying for my first test on my first day at Station 2 tomorrow (merry christmas). Not sure what to expect but I figure it will be similar to what we had at the training academy, or at least that's what I am hoping for. I also just looked at my bank account and almost cried over that. Luckily I just read an article this evening on how to create inner peace. I am drawing on those pointers as I type this. Lucky for the dryer. But tomorrow is a new chapter in this training. It makes me pretty nervous but I will show up and shut up and work hard, that's my plan anyway. We'll see where it gets me. Already looking forward to coming home Sunday morning to a late Christmas day with Jackie and the dogs. The past two days in Veneta went way too fast. I can see how the next five months could feasibly fly by, if I play my cards right. Two days off, to recover and prepare for 24 hours of work, sure doesn't seem like much. I know those who work 9-5 probably think I am a big douche for even saying that. And to those people I say all you need is a high school diploma to apply for a this job so please, have at it. But, seriously, two days really flies by quick when you don't want to leave the people you're with. Speaking of which, this house is mighty quiet without the dogs. I mean, all they do is lay around but I at least am used to their presence. I think I owe those two fleabags a lot of meaty bones and long walks when this is over. They have kept me sane throughout this whole move/training even though I complain about taking them out at 5:45 in the morning when it's windy and rainy. I got it good, even when I lose sight of that simple fact.

Merry Christmas.

here we go, again

Okay. So we all passed our finals. It was a stressful day but it all happened. Our group actually did really well. I guess on our last evolution the stress finally got to one of the guys I was partnered with. The trainers said we were done, finished, no more finals. I guess he didn't hear thought because he was still rolling with the evolution, pulling shit out of compartments on the engine, connecting it to the pump panel, and getting ready to pull more hose. The best part is is that it was all unnecessary, even if we were not finished with the evolution. I had my mistakes too though. Heeled the 35' ladder with the wrong foot when we were bringing it down. Tied a psycho knot instead of a figure 8 follow through. I always freak out on the knots. I can tie them fast, behind my back, racing a buddy in class. And then I need to tie it for a trainer on my test and it's like my hands are someone else's and I am just watching them butcher this thing I know. Pretty awesome.

So I am in Eugene now. Getting ready to plunge into a frenzy of last minute Christmas shopping and preparation for out first shift at station 2 on Christmas Day. Need to take my duty shirt to the dry cleaners and get massive amounts of presents for people. I thought I would have time this past week but it turns out that the down week after academy finals moves quicker than the past four months. I went to Seattle and saw everyone but left in the same tornado that brought me up there. I crashed in my armchair on Monday and Tuesday night this week, watching Dexter and drinking a beer curled up in a blanket in my cold house.

Tuesday I left work angry for the first time. Like, pissed, steam from the ears angry. We were given a scenario of fire in the fifth floor of the training tower and told to put it out. The guy leading the scenario didn't communicate the plan well and I thought we were doing two different things (and acting upon those thoughts) until I realized we were climbing the firefighters ladder to the fourth floor. I ended up on the fourth floor outside of the ladder with almost 100' of 2.5" hose on my shoulder. I hadn't done a great job of keeping my arms above shoulder level so the hose was slipping down my arm a little bit. And the wind was just ripping from the east, blowing the hose out from my shoulder like a skinny little sail. I wasn't sure how to get around the ladder because I had never had that much weight on my shoulder at that height and felt like dismounting the ladder (swinging around to the backside) would result in my losing the hose. So a trainer came up and took the hose from me, which led to humiliation. I kept going with the drill. But I was so frustrated at my crew member for not thinking that scenario through. I guess this is where we learn. That was my least favorite experience thus far though.

Okay, my fingers are cracked and I got places to be. I am happy academy is done with. I miss everyone more than I can say. I am nervous and excited for this next stage. And I am glad this blog is private.

Final Countdown

Three days until the final. Trying to keep the stress at bay but I can feel it creeping. It was so good to see Dad and Paula this weekend. We had a ridiculously good dinner at a place downtown, Red Tavern or something? They sold the finest Portland tap water, filtered, for $5 a bottle. We stuck to the less fine free tap water that must be from a different water main, one that is not gold-plated. I miss family so much but I miss everything about my old life, like having one. It's seriously a hostage situation with probation. There is no room for anything else. This tiny, drafty house has seen more of me than everyone else in my life combined. But, after I forced myself to clean on Friday I decided I like this house. It feels a lot more like home now. Or maybe that's just because the two bulldog puppies are gone.

Time for bedtime.

Well, it's flooding outside. The rain has been coming down in sheets since this morning. The weekend is halfway over. Dad and Paula are about an hour or so away. I am really excited to see them. I have been practicing tool talks and cleaning my house all morning. I actually got sleep last night. The night before was the worst thing ever. I woke up every two hours with my right arm on fire. I had to get up and walk around to shake it out for about fifteen minutes until I could try to sleep again. I think I got maybe 5 hours of sleep total and ended up getting up at 5:30. Nice sleeping in. The chiropractor adjusted my neck, elbow and wrist yesterday and I think it really helped. I was able to sleep through the night last night. And we have two more days of practice before our final exams on Wednesday. Just thinking about it makes my hands sweat. But, I think we got it. My crew is solid and we have good communication, problem solving and situational awareness. Should be a good day Wednesday. I really hope all 13 of us pass that day so we can celebrate at the Chicken that night. I am super excited to head north after next week. I am hoping to just head north after work on Thursday but it depends on if there is a Chicken that night or not.

I have a lot more to write about I feel but I am not in the mood to write. Portland got a little lonelier with all this damn rain. I feel bad for my dogs not going out today but it is really ridiculous outside. I will try to be better about keeping this updated.

already December, crazy

Suzy has this awful habit of sitting across the room from me and just staring. You know Suzy, she has creepy coal eyes and she sort of tilts her head downward a little to give it the freshly-possessed look. Her left ear cocks back a little and no matter how slowly and casually you glance up from your reading those flat black eyes are just waiting to meet yours. I like thinking these dogs keep my safe but now I'm not so sure. I feel like Suzy would grow thumbs in the night just to wield an axe. Must be Wednesday night. These poor dogs get zero attention Monday through Thursday. Literally two short (ten minute) walks in the morning and night. I am in the house with them whenever I am not at work (or at the Chicken on Thursdays) and they sleep in my room but we don't really interact. Sometimes I tell Suzy to stop liking her butt or Charlie to stop licking his long-gone balls. Or I tell them to get away from me when I put on my jacket. They know we're going on a walk when that happens but I can't handle the sudden sea of fur that is all around me when they know they get to leave them house. It's weird that they know the difference between any of my jackets that I wear and my work clothes that I leave in the morning in. They are never excited to see those.

Today was a good day at work. We were able to work out. And then drilled for about three hours. We got in some good reps. I really enjoy my crew. We are low-drama, low-key and have high expectations of each other and ourselves. And everyone is pretty honest and says what they think so it all works out. I think we'll do well at finals but that's two weeks down the pipe still. Thank god. I have not even touched on my tool talks or knots beyond real basic stuff. And we have individual skills we seriously need to work on. I sort of can't believe how much we have to fit in to the next two weeks. Thinking about it stresses me out so I choose to not think and just accept that it will all happen as it's supposed to. I need to keep the fire burning (no pun intended) and not bail on my enthusiasm. It's been a long haul and we are no where near the end but it's nerve-wrecking and exciting to be so close to a mile marker. We watched the class ahead of us take their final today, in preparation to move to the truck (the last stage of training). I watch those guys doing stuff and feel a little overwhelmed but I know that I felt the same way when I showed up three months ago and they were where we are now, practicing for their finals and I wanted to barf when I saw what they were doing then, sure I'd never get it. I guess when you give your life over to this stuff gets done. I don't know what else I thought would happen when I signed up to live and breathe this job for the next year plus. Sometimes I'm just surprised when I look back and see where we came from.