I'm feeling a little wild right now and figured writing for a second could help me burn off some of this energy. It's been a very compact last year. This time last year I was struggling thorough what, in retrospect, had to be a pretty decent bout of depression. After I got off probation (Sept 2nd last year) I was left with a pretty weird void in my life. The previous 12 months had been filled with such stress and daily demands that I'd acclimated to a scary sort of lifestyle, always living in the shadow of losing a job I'd left my home, family and friends for. Once the dust settled I had a hard time adjusting to my new freedom, security and place. I had a blank slate to draw on but forgot how to draw. I had (have) a wonderful home, but one that needs constant attention unless I want to invest in blue tarps and duct tape and maybe a nice set of blocks for the front yard. Now it's a year later and when I think about the past year it was stressful and transforming in ways the previous year hadn't been. I had to learn how to be myself again and the biggest challenge has been learning how to relax and find humor in a life that was sucked dry of fun for a solid year. I'm playing rugby again, just for fun and to reconnect with a wild type of friend you can only find on the rugby pitch. I have a relationship back that has always made me want to be the best version of myself possible and now is no exception. My home is filled with critters and friends, not to mention my twin and best friend. I still have not learned how to reunite with my family and my strained relationships with my folks and my sister are something I hope I can become better at mending. The house has been a bit of a handful lately. All year we worked on transforming an old, scary shed into a chicken coop. That is its own saga but now that it's up and running it is filled with geriatric and ill chickens and ducks and puts out an egg or two a day, no where near what is needed to break even with the sky high cost of chicken feed, cinder blocks, OSB board, electric wire, and, now, vet bills and medication. But, that seems to be how it goes with critters. The Christmas trees were supposed to be a boost, once harvested. But, turns out they are afflicted with a disease that makes their needles drop. Charlie Brown tree anyone? Aaannd of course the garage roof is something that a museum may be interested in. Last day off I was under the house waiting for the monster from Arachnaphobia to wrap me up while I tried to connect a loose dryer vent to the exhaust outside the crawl space. I found a leak under there that may explain why the well pump feels the need to prime every minute or so. This is sort of turning into one long complaint and I don't mean for it to. But, my biggest fear is to become a stressed out shadow of myself. I don't want chores or finances to determine my mood or how I spend my precious time here in this damn beautiful place. I have always been a bit of a worry wort but the pace and demands of the past year or two have made it a hard habit to quit. I understand that life is always going to throw you a curve ball or two and it's best to learn how to hit those rather than always be surprised they arrive. So, I am writing this just to get it off my chest. I am happy every day I wake up on this flea-bitten little farm. I love the people I get to see and I deeply love those I don't get to see enough. I hope that I develop the patience to glean wisdom from a life that sidewinds and back tracks. I hope to see the humor in the pitfalls. There will always be too much to do and money will always throw a hitch into your giddyup. I'm tempted to focus on the negative sometimes. But a cloudless day that smells like distant wildfires and sounds like lonely crickets sure makes it hard to be stressed out too long. Maybe the past week or two have been a mini avalanche of repairs and stricken critters. But, I'm here to care for this place and those that call it home, buddies, humans or the feathered and furred. No place has ever made me feel more at peace than this place does, no matter its demands. And this year is the best time of the year. The pumpkins are gettin' big and it's time for soups, burning, and sweaters at night. This time of year has always been magical to me and that magic was dulled these past two years. I can feel how this year is different. I have to go run a couple ducks to the vet who cannot walk (and a chicken who has a butt that looks like the antagonist in a horror movie) but I feel it was good to get this out.